Last week marked the six month period since my mom passed away. I suspect the 25th of each month will be a monthly reminder for the rest of my life. I have said it many times – grief is unpredictable.
A friend shared this on Facebook and I borrowed it. It is so very true. I may look like I have it all together (well, slightly all together) but inside there are days when the grief is so doggone real that it hurts. It never is far from my mind that I will not longer see my mom in an earthly form and that is very difficult. I find myself thinking about sending her an email or calling her to tell her something funny that happened and then I realize that I can’t.
Perhaps grief is one of those things that has become another layer of myself. Like an onion I am made of layers upon layers and this particular layer really does make me cry at times. I know that this past week as we have been able to be with our grandson, Theo, it has been made abundantly clear to me how important family is in my life and how much I wish my mom could have met this little guy. She would have absolutely adored him.
I have such vivid memories of her coming to help take care of me and Micah when I landed back in the hospital when he was three weeks old. Something that could have ended very differently if I had not had friends around to get me to the clinic made me change my mind about doing it all by myself. Chris needed help and I had to ask for help and she was there as soon as she could get a flight. I know it was not easy for her to get. it all arranged and stretched her to travel alone but she did it and I was so grateful for that. Micah bonded with her early on because of her presence and even though we never lived close when the boys grew up I knew that she had a special love for him because of that time together.
Micah and Wendy have given us the gift of time with Theo and I am hoping that somehow my mom is looking down and feeling that she is a part of that little circle of love as well. It helps me a lot to think that she is still a part of this new life as well. One of the last cards I sent her was a picture of her newest great grandson and I hope that she was able to hold that and know that he was hers.
So if I hold on a little tighter to those memories I think it is okay. If the 25th of each month is a little bit harder than the 24th, then so be it. We will be celebrating her life with a service on September 25th and I know that as that day approaches I will be dealing with more and more grief but how lucky am I to have such wonderful memories to hold on to and know one day we will be reunited again.