Friends are a huge part of my life and I would imagine a huge part of most of the lives of those who read It’s Just Life. Friends are what keep us grounded, entertained and sane at times.
I have had the privilege of making and keeping some really great friends through out my life. One of the up sides of moving as a child and as an adult is the opportunity to meet more people and make new friends. I honestly have friends everywhere and it makes me happy.
When we moved to Iowa it was the first time that we did not have children in school which changed the dynamics of making friends a lot more than I would have imagined. Chris moved almost a whole year ahead of me and by the time I actually moved it was weird. There was no welcoming committee . Other than a set of neighbors who brought us beautiful flowers there was really very little to even suggest that there was someone new in town. The folks that Chris worked with had known him for a year so by the time I moved it was pretty low key and the welcome non existent.
I realized that if I was going to make friends it was up to me to make the move and figure it out. I didn’t have the built in “kids in school so the parents of the friends are my new friends” kind of thing going on. I admit it took awhile and it really was not until I got involved in the North Iowa Bloggers that I felt that I had the type of friend that I was looking for.
Moving back to North Carolina into an established gated community was another thing. I made really good friends right away and continue to find friends that really click with me. At 58 I still find that I need girlfriends. While I will always have my BFF Ann (I mean no one will ever replace her!) I still find that I need other friends to complete my circle especially since we live hours apart.
Making friends at midlife is a bit different. I look for balance in my relationships. If I find out that we don’t have a lot in common it isn’t really a big deal. I like to surround myself with people both like myself and others who are very unlike me. It balances me out.
Older friends bring a wealth of experience and knowledge. I have learned so much from some of my newer older friends because they have lived their lives so well. I admire that.
Midlife friends don’t focus on the petty things that used to be the norm with friendships of younger days. If they do I pass. I don’t have time for that.
Midlife friendships fill different needs than the friendships of my younger years. I love to have the opportunity to talk to friends these days about their lives, their passions and their dreams. Just because we are at midlife does not mean that dreams are not a part of our lives. We probably have more dreams and aspirations if the truth is known.
Friendships at midlife are special because the baggage that may have accompanied us to this point in our lives can just be left behind without affecting our current relationship. I don’t need to know all the things from your past that drug you down. I accept you at face value for who I see you to be today. It’s a win win if you do the same for me.
I will never tire of meeting new people and making new friends. I will always have my core friends that truly understand me and love me for who I am but I will always welcome new friends into my life at any time. While I don’t feel that I have to have a certain number of friends I do not close myself off to the possibility of making more.
What I have learned over the years is that to have a good friend you need to be a good friend. That means making an effort. Not everyone can do that but to me it is easy. Friends are important. I cherish them. So I do the work to maintain friendships.
What do you think? Do you prefer to have just a few friends or are you a friend collector? Tell me all about it in the comments and Comment for a Cause for PAWS. Each comment this month means a 50 cent donation to help animals in Transylvania County.
13 Comments
Leave a commentSo very true. What a wonderful post. I am learning this daily, as I am learning to navigate my new life in retirement. It is a learning experience. I am so thankful for my friends who are there to help me along the way—and especially for the ones who stick with me despite their busy lives and the ones who have waited on me and understood that I have loved them and cherished them even though I was far from being “present” in any usual fashion. Heaven knows I am making strides now and am doing more good for others than I could have ever done in the classroom over 16 weeks.
I feel that it is so important to have that small group of friends that would drop everything and come running if you needed them. I couldn’t get through life without mine. 🙂
Great post! I suppose I could say that I really only have a couple of really close friends, but many acquaintances. One friendship goes back nearly 40 years, and the other is a schoolmate. We weren’t really close in school, but we’ve made up for that in the past few years!
One of the things as we age it’s important we begin to understand that people come and go as your life situations change . I have a core of friends that really know what is going on in my life.
I am a friend collector too. I love making new friends and i always learn something new from everyone I meet. It took me longer than usual to build up a community of friends when I moved to Spain but that was because I wasn’t working. I realized that many of my friends I made over the years were from work. I still have them but I needed to make new ones outside of work. Finding folks with common interests is a good start. I joined a couple of writer’s groups. Dot helped a lot as we have made a number of dog owner friends met on walks and at the beach. We will always need friends! My blogging friends are very important to me too and many of you helped make the transition to another country easier. Thanks for being a constant friend! xo
I feel so honored to be your friend. 💕I have recently put together a small “tribe” of women who show up for each other no matter what with no judgment (we even have official meetings where we dive in to the hard stuff). Everyone needs that kind of support in their lives. Great post friend, I loved reading it!
My parents moved a lot and kept in touch with lots of people from each place. When they died we used their Christmas card list to let their friends know. People from their grade school days, from their Army days, from dad’s first job, from their extensive travels..the list went on and on.
I guess I’m similar. I have friends all over too and sometimes forget my band friends don’t know my running friends or my college roommates. But they are all important parts of my life.
I’m certainly glad I met you all those years ago!
I so value our friendship, begun first via our blogs and then in person at that poetry reading. The thing I’ve found about friendship at my age is that I now have friends of all ages. They don’t need to be my peers. Age no longer matters as much as the individuals. I am always open to new friendships.
Fortunately I think most of us learn, by midlife, that we don’t “need” friends–we’re able to survive without them. If we’re blessed to keep a few living friends through middle and old age, or add new ones, we know we’re blessed indeed.
Friendship of any kind is special to me. I am a strong believed God puts people in our path and some are meant for friends and some acquaintance. I do agree there are many branches of friendship but that only makes it better. Very thankful that through my classmate and friend, Dianna, I feel we became friends. Also getting back with Dianna and other classmates has been a blessing.
I think I’m definitely in the phase of a “few” friends. It’s not the easiest thing for me to do but when I do click with someone it’s great. I’ve met a lot of my “friends” through work and some through the kids. I always like to say it’s not the size of the circle that matters but the quality in the circle. 🙂
I’m sure glad we are friends so because you’re a good one.
Such a nice post about friendship. Like you, having moved so often, I have friends in many places. I welcome new friends, but I’ve found it’s not always easy to do so when you’re in this stage of life. But I have three very close best friends, all of whom I’ve known and loved for over 50 years. They are my “go-to” gals! 🙂