As my regular readers and friends know my sweet Mother passed away on Christmas Day 2020. Because of the restrictions and health concerns with Covid-19 we decided to delay her Celebration of Life until a time when it was safe to gather together. I told my siblings that I wanted to be able to hug people. So that part of the important step in grieving will be delayed.
What I have learned with this particular death may be a bit different than when I have dealt with the deaths of other loved ones. What I know for a fact is that there is no timetable or specific steps in the grieving process. Everyone has to do it precisely their own way.
Today I thought I would share just a few ways that I am journeying through grief in hopes to help someone else out there.
As many have stated – grief is like ocean waves. Small at times and giant at other times as the emotions roll over and on top and threaten to take me under. I have learned that when the wave is particularly large I have to just go with it. Experience it in the moment and allow myself to just be. Fortunately since I am not working or doing much when those moments come I am able to fully experience that grief as I need to.
It helps to cry. It is so funny how that works sometimes for me. I will be absolutely fine and living life and then bam – I see something that reminds me of my mom or hear something or remember something and I am right there at the bottom of my grief. Allowing myself permission to cry and release those emotions has a truly cleansing effect on me.
Find things to hold onto when the days are rough. It can be anything or anyone that brings you comfort. Chris has taken on the role of “Hug Fairy” and my 6 foot 2 inch husband flits around with a hug just whenever I need it. I am so grateful for him and for his sensitivity . It reminds me that my mom was a part of his life for a very long time as well and his grief is as real as mine.
There is absolutely no shame in seeking help. If your grief seems like it is just not something you can handle on your own seek out some help. Whether it is seeking a counselor or finding a Grief Share group – there is strength in sharing with others.
Thank you to all who have been on this journey with me. I have had so much support and love over the past two months and am so grateful to each one of you for your concern. It means the world to me.
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I remember the helpful info you sent me (which I have since passed on) I have been thinking of you and all the family with continued prayers of comfort. Sending many hugs and look forward to being able to hug in person!!!
Oh Kathy— I am so glad I was Able to help. I appreciate the prayers as do my siblings. Hugs.
Thanks Beth Ann for sharing this as it is helpful for when my time comes. I wish I could hug you in person but a virtual hug will have to do. 💗
Thanks for the hug! It was a really nice one.
It’s been over two years since my mom, Joanne, died. We were very close for many years, but she became increasingly difficult to be around the last few years. I’m finally remembering all the good times and the bad memories are fading.
I can totally understand those feelings. My memories of your mom are are good ones of a lovely woman but age and health change things and sometimes the family are the ones who experience the worst. I am so happy that you are finding those happy memories again.
Oh Beth Ann. You and your mom were so close it’s expected that you’re going to have a whole lot of grief to work through. I remember. I was working, and thank goodness I had an office with a door. My staff was so supportive, as was my husband, other people are how we get through it, right? I’m just so sorry she left during the pandemic when you couldn’t share as much of that last year with her as you would have otherwise. I feel like you, and so many, were robbed of time with their people. So sad.
Anyway, I know it helps to talk about it, tell us stories about her, we’d love to hear more, and you’ll feel better sharing her with us. I know every time I talked about my mom or dad a tiny bit of grief spread from me to the person kind enough to listen and it made my load lighter. Share with us.
Having a hug “fairy” is the best. Sometimes all that helps is a big hug from someone you love. Corey’s hugs are the best and they make me feel so safe. So I can imagine that you feel the same when you are embraced by Chris. Sending love!
Somehow I just knew your hubby would fill the role of “hug fairy.” 🙂 I lost my mom 23 years ago this month and my dad 12 years ago and I still have little moments of sadness. But then I think of the joy they must be experiencing in heaven and that gives me peace. Take care, my friend, and just let your grief take its course as you work your way through it. Sending you virtual hugs.
All of your advise is very good, Beth Ann. I was only 20 when my precious Mamma died and I still have moments of grieve. I wish I had the advise then, Hold on to your wonderful memories and when you need to grieve don’t fight it. It is truly needed. Sending many hugs and much love.
Beth Ann, it seems that “life events” like weddings and funerals are especially hard during a pandemic. My dad passed away a dozen years ago and, while I’m past the crying-every-day phase, I know I’ll always miss him. His advice, his support, his quiet steady love. I know you’re missing your mom, too, but I think it’s wise to wait on the life celebration until you can share the hugs you need. Bless your hubby for the strength and support he’s giving you during this tough time. Hang in there — time really does help us grieve. And I’m with Dawn — sharing stories and memories helps, too. Virtual hugs from frigid Central Illinois!
I’m thankful you are letting your grief “be,” that you are getting all those hugs from Chris, that you are feeling the love. You’ve experienced the loss of your dear mom during such a difficult time. And that amplifies everything.