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March 29, 2019

A Life Well Lived – 4

23 Comments/ 650/ 2

A final repost in memory of our Carlton — originally published on February 28, 2013 and entitled “Candy Wrappers, Napkins and Banana Peels”

Life with an adult with Down Syndrome is interesting.  I always thought I knew my brother in law, Carlton, but until I actually lived with him for 6 months I did not have a clue.  Not that I got it all figured out after 6 months of living with him but I do understand a lot more than I did before and that is a good thing.

We had to have some regular maintainance done on the house and so the HVAC guy came to check things out.  Chris mentioned that the upstairs was always really warm and wondered if he could check out the vents that run to the second story which of course he was happy to do.  And that is where the story gets interesting.

Over the years Carlton had pretty much taken over the upstairs.  He had his own bathroom, 2 bedrooms and a huge sitting area where he had his tv and mini fridge and and all the things that he loved the most.  The upstairs was his  little apartment after his brother and sister moved out and it was his domain.  He was very protective of his area and was unhappy if even the cats wandered upstairs so it was pretty much untouched except by him.

Imagine our surprise when the HVAC guy told us that he needed some black garbage bags……over the years Carlton had somehow determined that the way to dispose of his trash was to poke it into the vent on the floor in the sitting area.  The vent was so packed with debris it took cutting it open and replacing it on the first floor to get the trash out.   It was stuffed from basement to second floor with candy wrappers, napkins, banana peels and who knows what else.   I have a lot of theories on why he did it but those do not matter. What matters is that initially he denied that he was the culprit but after some prodding finally admitted to Chris that it was indeed him.

Dealing with the aftermath of this incident was interesting.  As the garbage bags were hauled out to the trash and Carlton was upset that we were upset about it we realized that somehow in his mind it was not a big deal that he had done this.  While “I” think he knows appropriate behavior perhaps he doesn’t.  Perhaps I expect too much from him.   It made me think about my expectations of him and if they were indeed too high.  He is very high functioning–can read and write and can do math probably better than me.  But somewhere in his mind it became the normal thing to stuff his trash in the vent in the floor even though it was his job to collect the trash from the trashcans, which he did religiously, he still felt the need to continue this behavior.

He does not like to talk about this “incident” and it upsets him which leads me to believe that he did know it was not appropriate behavior.  He likes to say that “the past is the past” and it needs to stay that way but sometimes the past catches up and you have to deal with it.  The good thing if he ever comes to live with us our vents are usually covered up with cats.

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23 Comments

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  1. jena c. henry
    March 29, 2019 at 07:54 am

    Carlton actually had a good idea! It would be handy to have garbage chutes in various rooms, like your kitchen, family room and have them empty into a central trash bin. Like apartments. What a story to remember!

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      March 29, 2019 at 09:22 am

      It would be VERY handy to have trash chutes like laundry chutes. Hmmm….maybe Carlton WAS onto something there. Thanks for stopping by.

      Reply
  2. Darlene
    March 29, 2019 at 09:18 am

    Another great memory. Bless him. When my daughter was around three and had been potty trained for some time, she would throw her occasional soiled underwear in a seldom used storage cupboard. When we found them later and confronted her, she said “The cat must have put them there.” We still chuckle when we remember this.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      March 29, 2019 at 09:21 am

      That doggone cat was quite sneaky! I love that story, Darlene. Kids come up with the darnedest things sometimes and Carlton had a million of these types of phrases that will live on forever with us. Thanks for sharing your story. I loved it.

      Reply
  3. dawnkinster
    March 29, 2019 at 09:52 am

    Awwww…love this story. When I was a kid, maybe 8 or 9 we lived in an old house with the old time heat registers in the floor. My sister didn’t like vegetables and managed, for many years, to toss as many of them as she could down the register that was next to the kitchen table. We still tease her, and she’s 61 now. She still denies she ever did that. For all I know she DIDN’T…and we as a family just imagined the whole thing.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      March 30, 2019 at 07:06 am

      Oh my goodness —that would have been the perfect place to toss my unwanted cooked carrots! That is a great story and whether it is true or not only your sister knows!

      Reply
  4. Minnesota Prairie Roots
    March 29, 2019 at 10:59 am

    Oh, my, what a story. I can only imagine the smell. And the denial. Kind of like a kid who has busted the flour bag and, while covered in flour, denies everything.

    Thanks for sharing all these memories of your beloved brother-in-law.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      March 30, 2019 at 07:05 am

      The funny thing is that it did not smell at all –and there appeared to be no critter invasion of any kind and there was not a fire. I am amazed that nothing bad happened because of it but he was adamant that he had not done it. Busted!

      Reply
  5. susi_snaps
    March 29, 2019 at 08:06 pm

    That’s a memory for the ages. The things people do. I often shake my head at the things my kids think are no big deal while my husband and I are just left wondering whatever possessed them to do it in the first place.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      March 30, 2019 at 07:04 am

      Indeed! I guess he thought it was totally normal to do that and there are a lot of things that our kids did that I guess I shook my head at as well. I guess that is how we learn???? I don’t know. But this one took the cake.

      Reply
  6. Shirley Matthews Dunn
    March 29, 2019 at 09:14 pm

    Another good Carlton story you will always remember.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      March 30, 2019 at 07:03 am

      Yes—his life will live on with all of the stories we have !

      Reply
  7. Mama's Empty Nest
    March 30, 2019 at 11:16 am

    That one made me chuckle and reminds me of the time my oldest daughter hid the mashed potatoes she didn’t want to eat at dinnertime under the kitchen chair cushion. Even though this Carlton story was probably frustrating at the time, it gave you insight into him. And a memory to share with us. I’ve enjoyed every one of your tributes to this beloved family member of yours.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 04, 2019 at 07:27 am

      I love your story! There are ways to hide things when you don’t want to deal with them and your daughter hiding mashed potatoes is an example. How could she not like mashed potatoes??? 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
      1. Mama's Empty Nest
        April 04, 2019 at 08:24 am

        I know, right?? Funny thing is that those things she wouldn’t eat as a child, she eats as an adult and even is more adventurous in trying different foods than I am!

        Reply
  8. Connie Risch
    April 01, 2019 at 02:03 pm

    Wow…it is incredible that nothing ever came of it for so long. Lucky and blessed. But ya have to wonder what really goes thru ones mind sometimes. God Bless him.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 04, 2019 at 07:25 am

      Oh my goodness –I know! I suspect he just got in the habit of putting wrappers down there and he had a little fan that conveniently covered the vent so no one knew. No smell, no fire, no critters. We were VERY lucky!

      Reply
  9. Jen
    April 02, 2019 at 07:00 pm

    I have been loving all of the stories and memories you have been sharing of Carlton. We never got to meet him, but I feel like he’s been a friend since I’ve known you.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 04, 2019 at 07:17 am

      He would have LOVED you so much! And you him. Glad you enjoyed the memory posts.

      Reply
  10. priscillaking
    April 04, 2019 at 08:46 am

    Sick patients sometimes do things like that, even when their primary illness was not “mental.” You wonder if they’re doing these things for spite or if there is some sort of logic to it–sometimes spiteful logic. One patient spent several days trying to think of the word “bills” and kept babbling “You had six…those six…what’d you do with the six…” until I finally remembered, “The six bills? Yes, I mailed the payments while you waited in the car with A and B.” Problem solved. Until the next one came along!

    Reply
  11. Missy's Crafty Mess
    April 08, 2019 at 09:41 am

    I had to chuckle over this. My autistic son frequently says let’s just put it in the past but man what a mess

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 09, 2019 at 07:16 am

      The past is the past is one of my favorite Carlisms. I bet you have a lot of great stories that you could share from your son that have made you stop and think about how wise he probably is. I think we can learn from our kids in so many ways.

      Reply
      1. Missy's Crafty Mess
        April 09, 2019 at 09:37 am

        Yes I agree! The funniest things come out of their mouths

        Reply

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