Should I stay or should I go?  The phrase that has been rolling around in my brain since last Friday night.

Let me explain.

I shared just last week about my last visit with my mom who lives in a memory care unit at Copeland Oaks in Sebring, Ohio.  I got so many comments and reactions to that post (you can read it here) and I thank each one of you for those.

What I am finding more and more is that the distance from North Carolina to Ohio is really far when I feel like I need to be with my mom.

She was transported to the hospital on Friday night,  Initially they thought she had had a stroke based upon her behavior but tests and analysis proved this was not the case.  Next they suspected a reoccurrence of a GI bleed that she had had almost 2 years ago to the date.  Finally on Monday they decided that she had congestive heart failure and started treatment for that.

Fortunately I have a sister and brother who both live about an hour and half from her which is a far cry from the over  9 hours that it would take me to get there if I drove.  They and their spouses have stepped in and managed all of the information, visits and care that comes with a hospital stay for a loved one.

And yet I continue to struggle with the “Should I Go or Should I Stay ” scenario.   It is tough being this far away from her and knowing that she must be scared and feeling alone when she is awake and alert.  I checked out flights and did preliminary planning with rental cars, hotels and the such and it was proving to be a logistical nightmare due to our previous plans for the weekend trip to Jacksonville and Chris’s business trips on both sides.  We were leaving cars at airports, driving to meet each other, leaving a car for Chris, and the whole scenario was giving me a massive headache.

Then it hit me.  I can not control the situation.  I just needed to let go of that control and allow God to be in control.  I needed to allow my siblings to be the ones to be there during this time and trust that they could do what was best for my mom.  She is getting good care, the hospital staff is trained to do their job and I just have to trust that she is getting the care she is needing at this time.  Plus I know my mom.  Even with dementia she would fret about me driving and spending time away from my husband (even if we weren’t going to be together) .

So I decided that unless something changes drastically I will do what I had originally planned and make the trip to Ohio next week when I can provide some much needed relief  for my siblings.  I have no idea how long she will be in the hospital and where she will be going upon discharge.  I know the congestive heart failure is very common and that it can be controlled but that it is going to be part of her continued medical treatment now.

I have felt the support from so many friends on my decision to stay and being able to talk to my mom briefly has helped a lot.  Decisions like this are always so difficult but I know many of us have to make tough decisions like this every day.  Please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers if you will and don’t miss a chance to tell your loved ones that you love them.

And now- for your listening pleasure because it is what is in my brain on repeat.