Life is just a little bit more difficult today. For my family it is because my mom is slipping both physically and mentally. The dementia that she has struggled with for years is raging and her cognitive abilities are really diminished. Her physical health has taken a severe downward spiral since another fall on November 21st which required a hospitalization.
The hospital stay revealed a broken rib, bruises and a UTI and she was released to Crandall (the medical part of Copeland Oaks) to an observation wing to stay since she had been off campus. After the required time there she was moved to a medical floor in Crandall and will not be returning to her Memory Lane room as she now requires more care than they can give her there.
I am grieving her move from Memory Lane. I loved the director, Tara, and several of the others that worked there were very good. They looked out for her and I felt like she was in good hands. The move to Crandall signals a significant move.
Today I talked to the RN who was taking care of her today and we discussed hospice providers. When hospice comes to care for a loved one it is a significant event. It signals most likely the beginning of the end with no idea when that will be. I am not ready. I thought I was. But I don’t know that I am.
When we had hospice help with Chris’ dad it was such a relief for the family. He was reluctant and refused it when it was suggested. A couple of days later he asked me to talk to him about it. As the daughter in law I was well aware that my role is not the role of daughter even though he always treated me that way. What he needed was an honest answer. He trusted me to give him that. I told him that having hospice help meant that it would give a sense of relief to his children. When I explained how I viewed the care he could receive he agreed that it would be a good thing and asked me to call. I deferred to his daughter and the angels that were sent to help care for him were just that.
My mom has been ready to die for years. It pains me to write those words but she has. She talked about it often when she was able to make conversation. She is tired now and I don’t blame her. The restrictions of the pandemic have not helped one bit. Our loved ones in care facilities have faded dramatically and it is hard to imagine what their lives are like. The health care professionals who are taking care of them are working so hard to keep everyone safe and well taken care of. How tired must they all be?
I am not alone in this journey. I have two very close friends who both have mothers who are struggling in care centers. We are part of a club that no one wants to be a part of. We just want to be with our moms and we can’t. So today I will say continuous prayers for my mom and for all those who are in similar situations. Prayers for strength and comfort. And I will remember the good times and focus on those instead of focusing on the loss. If you are reading this and still have your parents give them a call today and tell them you love them. It would make me feel so much better.
