Life is just a little bit more difficult today. For my family it is because my mom is slipping both physically and mentally. The dementia that she has struggled with for years is raging and her cognitive abilities are really diminished. Her physical health has taken a severe downward spiral since another fall on November 21st which required a hospitalization.
The hospital stay revealed a broken rib, bruises and a UTI and she was released to Crandall (the medical part of Copeland Oaks) to an observation wing to stay since she had been off campus. After the required time there she was moved to a medical floor in Crandall and will not be returning to her Memory Lane room as she now requires more care than they can give her there.
I am grieving her move from Memory Lane. I loved the director, Tara, and several of the others that worked there were very good. They looked out for her and I felt like she was in good hands. The move to Crandall signals a significant move.
Today I talked to the RN who was taking care of her today and we discussed hospice providers. When hospice comes to care for a loved one it is a significant event. It signals most likely the beginning of the end with no idea when that will be. I am not ready. I thought I was. But I don’t know that I am.
When we had hospice help with Chris’ dad it was such a relief for the family. He was reluctant and refused it when it was suggested. A couple of days later he asked me to talk to him about it. As the daughter in law I was well aware that my role is not the role of daughter even though he always treated me that way. What he needed was an honest answer. He trusted me to give him that. I told him that having hospice help meant that it would give a sense of relief to his children. When I explained how I viewed the care he could receive he agreed that it would be a good thing and asked me to call. I deferred to his daughter and the angels that were sent to help care for him were just that.
My mom has been ready to die for years. It pains me to write those words but she has. She talked about it often when she was able to make conversation. She is tired now and I don’t blame her. The restrictions of the pandemic have not helped one bit. Our loved ones in care facilities have faded dramatically and it is hard to imagine what their lives are like. The health care professionals who are taking care of them are working so hard to keep everyone safe and well taken care of. How tired must they all be?
I am not alone in this journey. I have two very close friends who both have mothers who are struggling in care centers. We are part of a club that no one wants to be a part of. We just want to be with our moms and we can’t. So today I will say continuous prayers for my mom and for all those who are in similar situations. Prayers for strength and comfort. And I will remember the good times and focus on those instead of focusing on the loss. If you are reading this and still have your parents give them a call today and tell them you love them. It would make me feel so much better.
40 Comments
Leave a commentI am so very sorry to hear ev. Life is such a yoyo. The joy of having a new grandbaby and the sadness of knowing you are losing your mom. We are never ready for this. Praying for you and your family, Beth Ann and sending hugs. xo
Darlene -thank you so much for the kind words and yes –you said it it exactly right! A yoyo. Whenever I get sad I just pull up a picture of sweet Theo and remind myself that there is a circle of life. I just put together a little photo album of pictures of him and sent it to my mom. Hopefully someone will share it with her when it arrives and she will smile at his cuteness. Thank you so much for your prayers. I really debated about posting this but it helps me to get it out and somehow I hope it will help someone else down the road to know that they are not alone either. Just look at all my wonderful friends who are supporting me. Thank you.
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I’m so sorry, Beth Ann. Reading this with tears in my eyes. This must be heart-wrenching for you and I sent you all the strength and love I have today. Wish I could hug you!
Susi, As always you always have the best words to encourage me when I am feeling the weight of it all. Thank you. I debated writing this and sharing but I think I just needed to put it on paper (well –on screen) and get it out. Thank you as always for being such a good friend.
My heart hurts for you, Beth Ann. Although my mom was in a nearby convalescent center for 3 1/2 years, her issues were physical, so I still had “her”. And of course, we weren’t dealing with a pandemic. Please know that I will pray for your mom AND you.
Diana, Thank you so very much for your sweet words. I debated whether to write this post but you know it really helps me to write it all down and share it. I keep thinking that maybe it will help someone else down the road to read my words about this journey. I know your journey with your mom was very difficult as well. We just want our mamas to be healthy and able to be our mamas. When the tables turn it is just hard. Thank you so much for the prayers. I covet those. <3
Oh Beth Ann, I’m so sorry. It has been 3 years since I lost my mom and I still talk to her (especially asking her what to do with daddy when he is being stubborn!) 😉 I will tell you, it does get easier as time passes. COVID has made it so difficult for you and her. Love and prayers to both of you.
Kathy, Thank you so much for your kind words. Anyone who has lost a parent just has the most empathy for this situation. It is tough. I won’t lie. The toughest part is not being able to actually see her and hold her hand. I am so grateful I was able to spend a whole weekend with her in February and we had really good time together. Thank you for your prayers.
Beth Ann my heart hurts for you as you know my mom is in the same phase. She has been under hospice care since March 2019. She never wanted to be the last one at the party she would tell me. But only her best friend, who has dementia and is in a home in Maryland, are left in her circle of friends. I got to visit her in November and I don’t think she had a clue who I was but near the end of my visit she held my hand and told me she loved me. Prayers for our moms Beth Ann!!
Amy, I know that you understand. So many do. I am so very grateful you got to see your mom in November and I feel deep in my heart that there was some part of her that knew who you were. Prayers for you and your mama as well, Amy. Thanks for the kind words.
I think of you and your mom and pray for you both. This of all years is such an impossible year to have a loved one tucked in a senior community. Praying that you feel peace and comfort and even more so that your dear mom feels God’s presence moment by moment. I know that my mother was ready to go and I would assure her that it would be fine for her to go to Jesus. For years she said “I want my momma.” And for years I told her “You will see your momma soon.”
So I feel for you especially at this time. You and your siblings have been good and faithful servants in your mom’s care. I am so sorry that you can’t be with her and also praying for those who are caring for her that Jesus would give them an extra measure of care and compassion. I love you so much and am walking with you as much as I can.
You have been my biggest inspiration of how to travel this road with grace and love. You, my friend, were the most wonderful daughter and I often think “what would Virginia do?” I love you.
I have sat for at least 5 minutes praying for helpful words to share with you. I think I’ll keep praying. Much love
You said the perfect words. Your prayers are my comfort and comfort for my mom. ❤️
My prayers are with you and your family. Your memories of your Mom will get you through. It is hard to let them go even when you know it is best. Our family Dr. always talked about the quality of life over the quantity of life.
Thank you, Carol. She has not had quality of life for awhile and she is just tired. I don’t blame her one bit— thanks for your prayers,
Prayers for you and your mom as you travel this difficult journey!
You’ve been there and understand. Thank you. I know this will be a tough holiday for you. Praying for you as well. ❤️
Thanks for sharing from your heart. You Mom and family will be in my prayers.
Thank you so very much.
My heart hurts for you, your family, and yes, your mom as well. Please know I’m praying for you all. God knows your concerns, worries, and hurts and I know He will hold you close during all of this. <3
Thank you so much! So many people have really tough things going on. We just have to keep praying.
Thinking of you, Beth Ann, and praying for you all and your Mom. It is so hard because the gifts of reaching out to everyone and especially family members which God has given you in abundance— have been thwarted. I have to believe that even when we can’t communicate — our loved ones feel our love. Your Mom and Dad taught you so well. I hope you will feel that peace that comes from knowing that God is with us in all times and places.
Your comment made me cry— you are right— they taught me well and that’s why this is so hard. I do feel a peace about it most of the time but realizing I can’t be there is the most difficult of all. Thank you— love you.
My dearest friend, thank you for sharing this heartfelt post of pain and love and grieving. I understand, as you know. This is difficult, so difficult. These are our mamas… Please feel my love and hugs across the miles.
I hope you feel my love and hugs across the miles as well. We are both on a very hard journey but God is with us,
Oh Beth Ann. I am so sad to think she’s moving further into herself and beginning the trek to her next adventure. I hate Covid. It robs us of so much, for you, so much time with her that you can’t get back. I’m so sorry. I will pray for peace for you and her and the rest of your family as well.
God is with us and that is powerful. So glad that your mom and dad were able to share their love of God with you and that you “get it”. Prayers for your mom’s continuing journey as well as for yours (and your family). With Love, Bill
My thoughts reach out to you. I speak to my Dad daily and I dread the day I can’t just call him and hear his voice. – Hugs
That was a really hard time when phone calls just became impossible. Keep calling him as long as you can!!!
Continued prayers Beth Ann! I just want to be able to give you a hug!
I would happily accept that hug. Thanks for the prayers.
Beth Ann, my heart and love go out to you. Please find comfort in knowing your Mom is not alone our Lord is with her and will continue to be her until HE takes her HOME with HIM. You and your Mom will continue to be in my heart & prayers. Also I hope you and family found comfort in knowing your length of time with her has been priceless. Love & God bless you all.
I feel your pain. I am sorry about your Mother and that you can’t be with her at this time. I will pray for her and for you and your siblings.
Thank you so much. That means the world to me.
We send you prayers
Thank you so much.
Beth Ann, I’m sorry to hear this. So sorry. I send you so much love and hold you and your mom and your family in my heart.
Thank you so much. I signed the hospice papers today and know that even though we don’t know how much longer we will have her that she has been ready for a very long time. It is just hard, as you know. Friends like you make the journey easier because of your kindness.