With Mother’s Day approaching all of the focus typically turns to mothers and their impact on our lives. Gift ideas start popping up in newsfeeds and the race is on to find that one perfect gift for that special mom. Regardless of your relationship with your own mother it seems that we are inundated with products and things that will make the day even better.
When I was younger I don’t think I really “got” all that my mom did for me over the years. I would like to think that I have matured and grown up a bit and now have a better understanding of the sacrifices that my own mom made. Sacrifices that she said nothing about but just did. Because she loved me.
So does motherhood have seasons? I think so. Like any relationship I believe there are different phases that a mother and child experience together. 
In the beginning there is the season where the mother is the primary provider and care giver. Being able to actually carry a child is such a gift and those who are unable to do this often feel that they have missed out on something pretty special. While it is not the only way to become a mother I am very grateful that I could experience it first hand. I do emphasize with those who are unable to and always try to be careful with my words especially around Mother’s Day. Infertility is such a painful experience and words casually thrown around can make that pain even worse.
I find myself in a new season as of late. If you have followed It’s Just Life recently you have read that my own mother is going through a new season. After a hip replacement she moved to an assisted living apartment at Copeland Oaks. Since then a fall has necessitated a sling for her fractured shoulder and more care and help from the staff is needed. Her memory is spotty and some days she has difficulty with certain tasks. So I, along with so many others, find myself in that awkward position of trying to be more of a caregiver to my own mother than I ever anticipated.
It is a very difficult position for a child. I want her to be independent and I want her to be able to do things on her own. But then I also want to step in and just do for her so that things get done quickly and without confusion. I want to make things easier for her. I want to explain things to her logically but the things that “I” want are not the best for her.
So I continue to love her and try to allow her to work at her own pace. I watch as she moves piles of papers from place to place. The routine of sorting and looking through things is comforting to her and honestly who really cares about piles of papers around the apartment? I am thrilled that she is using her new craft area to look at her cards and create when she feels like it. 
Our roles have changed somewhat these days. I see myself more as a caregiver at times than a daughter but I remind her of all of those years and sacrifices she made for me. She continually says that I “do too much for her”. I tell her that that is rubbish. I could never do too much for this woman who gave me life and encouragement throughout my life. It is my honor to do what I can do to make her life better.
My role has changed and the season that I am in right now seems to be the season of advocacy. I want everyone to be taking care of my mom’s needs like I would if I was there 24 hours a day. That is the best gift I can give her right now. If I can not be present I want those who are there to love my mom and care for her just like I would.
So on this Mother’s Day I celebrate my own mom, grieve with those who are missing their own mothers and empathize with those whose desire to be a mother eluded them. So many emotions swirl around on this day. But I embrace them and thank God every single day for my own mom.
Tell me one special thing about your own mom in the comment section. I would love to “meet” her through your words. 
17 Comments
Leave a commentIt is so hard to handle the role reversal but your post shows that you have taken up the role with lots of love.
I hope so. It is tough, you know? I want to make things perfect for her but it is important to allow her to do everything she can do on her own. Just another phase. Thanks for stopping by, Bernadette!
Taking care of my Mom, when she was sick and dying, was one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. That, and giving birth to my own son.
I totally understand that. It is time that brings you closer to one another and while it is not always the easiest job it is so wonderful when a child can care for a parent and do for that parent what they did for them years before. There is just a fulfillment that comes from the mundane tasks required at times.
What a beautiful post. I understand this stage of your life with your mom because I’ve been in it for several years with my mom. It’s not easy and we grieve the loss of the mother we knew.
My mom has always been exceptionally kind to everyone.
There is a sisterhood of us who find ourselves in similar situations. I am grateful to be able to visit my mom as often as I do. 😊
There is really 1 season of being a Mom, right? And that’s being a Mom. In her mind, a Mom doesn’t change how she “moms” just because her child is a grown up, or her health is declining. She’s always a Mom loving and worrying about her kids! We may think we have changed roles, we may want to change roles as a grown up child, but no, not going to happen. At least in my experience. You wrote a beautiful post about your Mom. Thanks. I did find joy in caring for my Mom, but I have regrets that I didn’t do a very good job at the end. My memory of my Mom is that she would always get in to huge discussions with strangers about their lives. We would be shopping in a store and she would listen and talk to the clerk forever. Sometimes I kidded, “this time we really are going to just run in to the store and buy a card. That’s it!” And she would laugh and agree…
You have given me another way to look at this time in my life! Thank you! It is very true- once a mom always a mom. I am sure you were wonderful with your mom and I giggled at the talking to clerks forever part. Why “I” might be guilty of that now!!! 😏
The roles do reverse and I imagine one day my daughter will be looking after me. It is just the way life goes. I had a lovely pre-mothers day Skype with my mom yesterday and later one from my daughter. So I was feeling very happy to know they are both well and care about connecting with me. Your mom did a great job of raising you and now it is your turn to look after her needs. You are doing an excellent job! HUgs to you and your mom. xo
It’s not an easy place you find yourself in but it’s a season to cherish your relationship with your mom in a different way. And Happy Mothers Day to you too.
Beautifully said. Life is filled with changes. Love covers it all. Hugs
Only after I became an adult did I realize just what strength my mother had. My father died when I was only 8 months old, leaving her with not only an infant to raise, but also two teenaged daughters. I always knew that I could go to her with anything, and she would never make fun of me for asking a question or feeling the way I did. She was always my comfort zone, and I have always tried to be that way for my son.
When I was 16, my sister was murdered, and just a few months later, my mom’s mother died. I cannot imagine, first of all, losing a child. And secondly to lose a child and your mother in such a short span of time.
My mom has been gone 22 years as of last week.
Happy Mother’s Day to you, Beth Anne. I wish the best for your Mom. “Been there, done that”.
This is something we’ve been dealing with the past few years with Corey’s grandma… she’s needs 24 hr care now and at this point doesn’t fight it anymore. I sometimes wonder what it will be like with my own mom. She’s still young and working a living her life so it’s not too much of a worry yet. I guess we’ll see when we get there…
You rock. Happy Mother’s day to you & your Mom! This is such a sweet post and so spot on. I suppose I’ll never understand all the sacrifices my Mom made while raising me and my sister. That’s probably the cross that most mothers bear. Thanks Beth.
~Mother’s Day~
There is no one upon this earth
who could or will provide
to the each and all of us
without prejudice or divide
the gift of life she carried
that was our self inside.
Though some have passed to Heaven
and while some still here reside
I say to you this Mother’s Day
Bless them all for how they tried
to do the best that they could do
and great odds they have defied!
For the most of us, that I know at least,
we have not ever been denied
the love and warmth and caring
nor even the slightest bit been deprived.
So, it is thus I say with these few words
that which in my heart have now arrived!
~Jack Downing~
May 12, 2017
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO YOU ALL!
LOVE!!! Thank you for sharing your sweet words with me. You are the best!
Happy Mother’s Day to you and your Mom I am happy that you enjoyed the poem, God bless!