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April 22, 2016

To Give or Not to Give

15 Comments/ 2229/ 0

NeedThat is the question. To give or not to give. Recently as I was tooling around town I happened upon a gentleman at a stoplight by a pretty busy area where there are plenty of stores. He had a cardboard sign. The usual plea for money. “Down on my luck. God Bless.” Of course the light turned red and I stopped right next to him and yes, I admit it, I made eye contact. And since I made eye contact I got a bill out of my wallet, rolled down the window and gave the gentleman the money. He said he hoped God blessed me and I told him that he already has and that I hoped that he had a good day. Not enough time in the split second before the light changed and the cars behind would start honking at me to go to get his life story . If I had been on foot I am sure I would have. It is my gift, you know!

But it got me to thinking about how many people do what I do occasionally. I know the skeptics will say he just took that money and spent it on booze or drugs or something else not so great for his body. And then there are those like me who believe that once it is given it is no longer ours to determine how it is used so we give with the faith that it helps this person somehow. I know it is risky to give this way. That is why I prefer to give through my church or through organizations that I know are trustworthy. But there are times when I feel my heart pulled in the other direction and just give as I did yesterday. Our two boys have different ideas on this. One would most likely never ever give to someone on the street and the other routinely empties his change cup in his car and gives it out to a person down on his / her luck.

So where do you weigh in on this? I know I am naive about a lot of things and still continue to try to trust folks at their word and think the best of people. It is just who I am. Even when I have been taken advantage of and lied to I still find it hard not to give folks the benefit of the doubt. And as to the man yesterday—I think it was because he used color in his sign. He had a black cross inside a red heart. My favorite color red —I think that is what pulled me in.

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charity giving to homeless need selflessness
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15 Comments

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  1. Cathy Lawdanski
    April 22, 2016 at 08:02 am

    I go both ways. Sometimes I feel the pull to give & do. Sometimes not. I once gave a bottle of water to a thin, obviously dehydrated woman on a hot Texas summer day. Also gave her cash & told her to go to the McDonalds across the street & get some food. Saw her in the same spot a few days later. Didn’t regret giving to her. No matter what, she was in need. Wish my “higher , non-judgemental self” was always ruling the roost.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 22, 2016 at 08:50 am

      Cathy, Thanks so much for stopping by! Yes–I am exactly like you. Sometimes I do and sometimes I look away. It is a tough call. But I do believe that if we give we should give with no strings attached and not get mad if that money is used in a way is not how we “think” it should be used. Thanks again for taking the time to stop by and comment!

      Reply
  2. Judy Hudgins
    April 22, 2016 at 09:12 am

    I have the same torn feelings. I have given money to someone my daughter knew from him coming into McDonalds for food. I am a sucker when they are with their dog. I go with the flow and my pocket book. I know one time I didn’t have a dime left, but I just picked up pizzas at Little Caesars and gave him several slices.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 23, 2016 at 07:37 am

      Wow–that is a great story. To actually give something tangible. Perfect. It is a hard call sometimes, isn’t it? But w de what we can do when we think we should. That is what works.

      Reply
  3. Minnesota Prairie Roots
    April 22, 2016 at 09:18 am

    If you would have asked me this question two-plus years ago, I likely would have given the person some money. But I am a lot less trusting now of people and their motives. Several months ago a man was standing near our local Walmart with a cardboard sign stating he couldn’t work because of surgery. Yet, there he was on a cold day standing outside. Hmmm. Was I judging? Yes. In the 34 years I’ve lived here, I’ve only seen people with signs asking for money twice.

    My husband and I were also talking last evening about how each of our parents have been sucked into donating to causes, or purchasing items they don’t need, via phone and mail. I prefer to give locally so I know exactly where my money is going.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 23, 2016 at 07:36 am

      Like I said—everyone has to figure it out for themselves and do what they are most comfortable with. Definitely giving locally through set channels is a great idea—can never go wrong with that. I know there are scammers all over the place and I have been scammed a time or two in my 50 odd years but I guess those are pretty good odds for the times it has been a good thing to do. I just find it difficult to imagine how anyone would WANT to be out asking for money if they did not need it but I am sure there are plenty of those. It just seems humiliating but maybe those folks who do it for the wrong reasons don’t have the moral compass that you and I have? I am just glad that everyone can make the decision on their own on how to give or not give.

      Reply
  4. Katybeth Jensen Ruscitti
    April 22, 2016 at 11:30 am

    I give. I put dollars in an envelope in a mini glove compartment box in my van and I usually have a couple dollars in my pocket. My smart street but generous departed husband taught me never to pull out my wallet.
    The decision of what to spend it on; is his/her to make. Just having that choice probably makes the asker feel more powerful.
    Plus, as you well know, the feeling of making some one day is pretty intoxicating.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 23, 2016 at 07:34 am

      I love your dearly departed Joe’s advice to never pull out of your wallet. Very good advice. And yes—you are a giver in every sense of the word. Thanks for the comment.

      Reply
  5. Dianne Shepherd
    April 22, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    We give and don’t give. And it is with wondering whether we are doing the right thing. It is hard not to be skeptical and judgmental and it is equally hard to just drive on by. I have been duped before and it stung! This past week we came across a couple with two children. Don’t remember the sign he had. But my husband gave him money. How could we not try to help them, and it felt right.

    We were talking this morning after I told him about your post. He is thinking maybe keeping $5 McDonalds gift cards in the car might be an alternative to giving money.
    Might give that a try!!

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 23, 2016 at 07:33 am

      I like the idea of the $5 McDonald’s gift cards. That is a great idea. I just know that there are times when it feels right to give an times when it doesn’t and I just go with my gut on those. Of course it is always great to give through recognized worthy channels thorough church and other charities but there is something about someone who has a sign or cup or can or something that pulls at my heart strings. I want to know how they got there, you know? And if truth be told there are many who are just a short step away from that place as well I would imagine. Thanks for the comment!

      Reply
  6. Marci B
    April 22, 2016 at 01:21 pm

    The day of my wedding, I got up in the morning and went out to get something (we lived in NYC at the time). I saw a man that I had given money to in the past – a dollar here, a dollar there – even though I knew he probably used it for liquor. But I liked him. We’d smile at each other and he had a happy face even though I knew he was homeless. So, on my wedding day, I pulled out a $20 bill and gave it to him. Was he ever shocked! As we walked away from each other I turned around to look at him and he was in mid-air having done that classic “jumping in the air and clapping his feet together”. It was a great moment! Since then, I’ve become more jaded and instead of giving cash, I’d go to the closest deli and buy a simple lunch and bring it back to whoever was asking for something!

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 23, 2016 at 07:31 am

      I love this story. You have a very good heart, my friend, and you give in so many ways. This is just an example of how caring you are and I am so glad you are my friend!

      Reply
  7. Sara Broers
    April 22, 2016 at 10:15 pm

    I tend to swing into a drive through and hand someone a bag of food. It’s often times disheartening to see people in despair, yet I know that maybe that ONE time it will make a huge difference. Thanks for inspiring all of us to step up to give.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      April 23, 2016 at 07:22 am

      I love the idea of actually giving someone an actual meal. I think that is a great idea and worth the extra time it takes to make it happen. I would never say that anyone is right or wrong for doing anything or not doing anything—I think you just have to go with your gut and figure out what is right for you.

      Reply
  8. Karen
    April 24, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    When I was in Akron, I would keep single serving foods in the car and give a small bag of them to the people asking for handouts. Such as protein bars, beanie weenies, cheese crackers. Things that were nutritious but didn’t need preparation to eat. I also kept Subway gift cards. That way I could feel like I was helping but not contributing to an addiction. I often traveled in areas where people were asking for handouts, so that was my way of dealing with it.

    Reply

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