I am the queen of worry, so much so that I have to be medicated for it. Seriously. I can worry myself into physical illness. In my case, it’s the way I’m wired. I’ve literally been this way since childhood. What I think worrying comes down to is one simple thing: Erickson’s stages of psychosocial development. The very first thing we learn as human beings, literally minutes old, is whether or not to trust our surroundings. We do so by having attentive parents who answer our cries when we’re babies. If they don’t, the seed is planted. We carry that preconception of the world with us throughout life. It can be changed, but much of that learning becomes ingrained in our personality. And now that I’ve bored you to death with a GIANT dose of Nerd this morning, I’ll fade back into oblivion. (Excellent post, BTW.)

I have been the total opposite of Miranda. I have never been a worrier. Except on occasions when things looked dire but in the end I saw there was no need to worry at all. Some people have called me uncaring or a procrastinator. When others are sick or in the hospital (even family members), I don’t worry or think the worst. Besides it not helping anything, I believe bad thoughts just snowball more bad thoughts and they are contagious for everyone around. If you are in a room with someone who is really worried about something, you are brought down to that worriers level, most are anyway. I just feel being positive is going to keep other peoples’ spirits up, not just your own. Even in times of grief like the recent events I feel we all dwell on the bad so much, it takes so long to recover. I do not like watching the news, it just spreads the gloom as well and makes people angry.
I was listening to a radio program about an anti bully law where they want to start prosecuting so called bullies. Bullying is an act of continuous harassment, but these days anything said is considered bullying. So some innocent children who just don’t disagree are going to be put into the criminal system prematurely and it again will snowball into a big mess. I feel “most” of the children who commit crimes they say are caused by being bullied are children who have needed help or medication their whole lives and are not being recognized by their busy parents and others who interact with them. I feel those children who feel like outcast or are a target for bullies should be taught how to deal with their feelings for one, and how to deal with people. Social skills are so important and worrying about self image etc… is a big big deal in this. And most of the real bullying type have the same self image problems, they just deal with them in the opposite way. I had a bully when I was in elementary school, she would step on the back of my shoes, steal my barbie doll clothes. Another incident a friend and I were walking to girl scouts and we were assaulted by other girls a few times, I was the new overweight girl in high school but I wasn’t going to stand in a corner and worry what others thought, I made the best friends ever (you Beth Ann being one of them) and remember one gym class where the cheerleaders helped me get through backward and forward somersaults (haha) I was molested by my step grandfather when I was 13, I told people, some didn’t believe me but I had a Mom who did believe and just having that one person got me through and I never really worried about any of that. It happened, learn and move on. Things always get better if you believe it so. 🙂 Well that kind of went off in a different direction but I believe worrying pollutes thinking and can lead us into some very bad situations.

I tend to worry, always have,always will. I admit it and am aware of that tendency and thus try to handle it via prayer and being honest with myself about it. On the positive side of this part of my personality, I tend to show a lot of empathy and care for others. Thus, even positive can develop from something perceived as primarily negative.

Worry. My mother always says, “worry works, what she worries about never happens.” Up until 4 years ago, when my husband dropped dead of a heart attack in the shower one sunny and beautiful morning (no illness, excellent health–we thought) I led a pretty worry free life; from that moment on worry took on a much different role in my life. I knew worrying didn’t stop bad things from happening, and yet worry hung over me like a wet blanket and dodged my every step. A friend gave me two pieces of advice, I’ve hung on too. 1) stay away from the people that ignite your worry with their drama. 2) Doing something is the antidote to worry. One small action step (even something that doesn’t address my direct concerns like picking up dry cleaning), can help. It works, like magic. I also find that quickly listing things that prove we are okay helps: grateful we have spoons, we have towels to dry the dogs, I just heard the pump turn on and so on. Oddly, I seldom worry about my teen, although plenty of people have told me he is in the high risk category for drugs and alcohol. I know he will be just fine. I know it to the depth of my being, and that kind of knowing shuts the value on worrying speedy quick. Now if only I could be as sure I could find a lawn man for the summer ♥

Beth Ann, I’m definitely a worry wart but like you I try to look for the positive and live a positive life and teach my children about the good in the world, It’s not always easy and some days are harder than others but I keep trying. I am also reading a book about the female brain and one of the first things mentioned was the fact that women tend to worry more than men and that it’s part of our brain make-up to do that!!!

I used to worry about EVERYTHING! I finally read the advice that when you are worried about what will happen, imagine the worst thing that could happen, then take it further. If “that” happens, then this is what I would do, and then if “this” happens, then this is what I would do. You take it down to the smallest point, and you realize that there’s not as much to worry about. It’s helped me a lot, and I worry a lot less now. It could also be that I’m 66 now, and have found through experience that you can come out the other side of almost anything, and still be okay. Battered and bruised, maybe, but, still, okay. It keeps me a lot saner. I’ve also become a lot more serene since I’ve lived past the age at which my mom died. She was 64, and as that age came closer and closer, I got tenser and tenser. Once it passed, I relaxed. Silly, I guess, but my sister said she had felt the same way. Concerned is a much better word, I think.

xo Linda

never hurry, never worry. that’s my motto.
one of my most fave passages.

Beth Ann I love your insights in this post. And I agree. Worry is simply ineffective. Concern drives action. Love creates new possibilities. But worry is debilitating. The words we choose really do change things. Even how you feel about yourself. And for the record – the other person isn’t better than you – you are pretty awesome in your own right. Joining you in looking for the positives!!!

I’ve never gotten the impression that you’re a worrier. You are one of the most positive and upbeat people of all my imaginary friends. 😉

It is very interesting that you were talking about worrying on your blog today. Our chaplain was here this afternoon to update our prayer chain. I told him about my nieighbors and how I wanted to help them but did not want to interfear. I told him I said to call if they needed anything as I wanted to help but they had family coming, etc. He said she would call if they needed anything and later in the day, she did. She said they may need a bed or two when all the family gets here. I said I have 2 beds upstairs, I can sleep downstairs. I was so glad I had not worried, I just cared and she knew I would help. My Dad was a wooier but my Mother was just the opposite and I try to be like her. Notice I say try, I am not always just concerned.

Suffering from anxiety disorder, I worry unnecessarily about things. I do my best to curb my worrying so I can live without the crushing feelings worry can bring, but there are days when it’s extremely difficult.

I still can’t believe what happened in Boston and now I saw on the news that MIT and Watertown are in the news. That concerns me greatly. I’m not sure about the debate between worry and concern. For me, I can’t help but worry about things in this world, such as violence, environmental issues, poverty, human rights–in today’s world how can I not worry about those things.

Good Morning Beth Ann! I think you may already know I am a worrier. It wears me out. I worry about every little thing. It has gotten much worse the last three years. I really identify with Miranda’s comment and I could have written the first paragraph of your post. I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder back in 1995 but I am pretty sure I had it as a kid. But I like funny! I love people with a sense of humor and a quick wit and I always can find the funny in things. I think it is what saves me. I always look for people that have that sense of funny! This post and the comments make some helpful reading Beth Ann!