I was able to spend some time with my sweet mom recently and it was, as always, a bit bittersweet. While she does not say my name anymore my husband says she “lights up” when she sees me. I will take that. Any day. All day. And always. Always — when I say goodbye and hug her and tell her she loves me she says she loves me back. That makes up for any of the other things that are so difficult to watch.
This last visit she was missing her glasses when we visited and I searched high and low in her room for them to no avail. The thing that she does now is move and rearrange things. This is a typical behavior and one that I have noticed for a long time. Perhaps even back to several years ago when she was convinced that the staff was stealing from her.
Chris and I searched all the drawers, under the bed, on the shelves, etc. and had no luck. I doubt that her glasses really help her that much as I suspect her macular degeneration has progressed to the point where her vision is truly impaired but she just didn’t look right without them to me. I alerted the staff but had no real hope of finding them. I figured that somewhere among the torn up greeting cards and magazine pages she had thrown them out and no one had caught it.
Fast forward to the next visit and still no glasses were gracing her face. Chris randomly opened a dresser drawer and pulled them out. I had looked in that drawer several times and no luck so either she moved them or I need my own prescription adjusted. Whatever the case we found them and the game of hide and seek was over. Just another part of the life of someone with dementia.
As I baked Christmas cookies today I thought of the past years when I made cookies with my mom. It was a holiday tradition and one that I carried through after I left home. Christmas is not Christmas without at least a dozen different kinds of cookies to enjoy and give away. As I pulled out the ingredients today to make the beloved No Bake Chocolate Cookies I remember how when I came home from college I would always empty out the pantry of cocoa and chocolate chips to make cookies to take back to Chris. I can still hear my mom “complaining” that she had to stock up on those items when I came home. I don’t think she was really complaining but it reminded me of those precious times of making cookies with her and how much fun we had. I am so grateful for those memories.
Dementia has taken so much of my sweet mother from me but it won’t take away these special memories of times we shared and I am so grateful for that. Do you have any special holiday memories of things done with your own parents? I would love to hear all about them in the comments section so Comment for a Cause for The Haven of Transylvania County.
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Leave a commentOh, your post touched me today. I’m sure I’m not the only one. As I age so do my parents. Dad is showing signs of dementia. Mom in and out of the hospital since July with a string of health issues. Neither really able to take care of the other and barely taking care of themselves. I don’t live close enough to keep a good eye on them. Going down for weekly visits to check their meds and diet, and going to dr appointments during the week for both of them. Praying some decisions are made soon regarding their living situation. Anyway, all this making Christmas traditions go by the wayside. Is that why things seem so off kilter this year? My own 24 year old children are coming home this weekend and I’m so looking forward to the traditions we have with them. (2 kids, blended family, not twins🤗) Making homemade cookies and egg nog. Watching Little Women. Playing Mario Kart the 4 of us—now while drinking wine. It is a weird mix of adult and child as they grow into adulthood and as my role with my own parents reverses to a weird mix of adult and child as they regress from their once independent selves. Merry Christmas.
She looks good! Such a difficult time for you, but wonderful that you are focused on the happy memories. We used to make those no bake chocolate cookies too, I had forgotten about them until I saw your picture.
One of the best memories I have of my mom happened the last time I saw her. It was July of 2004, and she had saved the Christmas cards they had received the previous December for me. I liked to read the letters inside the cards of so many of their friends that I also knew. So I was sitting on the floor reading Christmas cards and she was sitting in a chair next to me, telling me stories about the people, reminding me where I might have met them, or how they had become friends, where their kids were today, who was ill, who had traveled where. One of the Christmas cards was from a good friends of theirs who I had also grown to know. The wife had died unexpectedly that February, only a couple months after she wrote the card. Mom and I talked about how hard that is to grasp, here one day, gone another day. And ten days later my own mom was gone to an aortic aneurysm. I am so glad we had that time, just the two of us.
I imagine you have countless wonderful memories with your parents, but I know that the recent years loom largest. (I don’t know if that sentence is correct!) This year is especially bittersweet for our family as well. We moved my parents into a retirement community the first of April. My Dad took a fall a month later and passed away on June 24th, four days after his 94th birthday. My Mom is here in Maryland for a couple of weeks to celebrate Carter’s college graduation and Gordon’s retirement. I hope that it will help her avoid some of the strangeness that Christmas in a new place for the first time in 50 years is bringing her. I’m so thankful for the years we’ve had and the memories we hold, but it’s hard to know how to help her with these changes. She’ll go home to El Paso on the 23rd to spend Christmas in her church, singing in her choir. That’s where she recharges and builds up strength to face the new day. May God bless your family this Christmas and always.
Those memories sustain us. Even though my mom’s been an inhabitant of heaven for 20 years now, my memories of her give me a lot of comfort. And one of those is baking Christmas cookies with her. I can remember one year when I came home from college for Christmas and when I walked in the house, the aroma of fresh baked cookies met me as Mom was busy baking away. What a wonderful homecoming that was. 🙂
Merry Christmas Beth! I enjoyed your story and the beautiful stories of your commenters.
I love looking through pictures and going down memory lane. It helps so much to remember the good times before dementia enters a life. I’m glad you were able to find your mom’s glasses of only to make her seem more herself.
I´m so glad you had some time with your dear mom. And happy the glasses showed up. They may have gone out with the wash and the staff put them back in the drawer. We had something similar happen with mom´s wedding rings. And don´t get me started on the hearing aids! We have given up on them as we´ve replaced them so many times. But those are small things and we are so happy with her care. I have so many wonderful Christmas memories; baking and cooking with mom is one of them. Sleigh riding with dad when he hitched up the team of horses to the wooden sleigh and we went dashing through the snow. The laughing around the table as we stuffed ourselves with cabbage rolls, turkey, mashed potatoes and all the trimmings. We didn’t have much in material things, but we had so much love. Thanks for spurring these memories.
So glad you had more precious time with your lovely Mom. I lost my Mama 47 years ago this month, she was only 39 years old. So of course I am blessed to have memories of some Christmas pass.
You are walking this well! I have so many photos of holding my mother’s hand – especially during her last week.
When I would tell my mother that I love her , she would respond with I love you more.
Holding you and your family in prayer, dear friend.
I empathize. It’s hard, so hard, to witness the declines of our mothers. I’m glad you had that visit with your mom and that Chris found her glasses.
I see my mom tomorrow and I expect it may be for the last time as her health is deteriorating rapidly.
I am so sorry, Audrey. My prayers are with you. ❤️
Sending merry Christmas wishes to your mom! I’m glad you did end up finding her glasses. She is so loved. I also remember baking Christmas cookies with my mom. Post makes me miss her!