Sometimes there are quotes in books that really nudge me in a way. I have been on a reading streak lately again and one of my recent books on my nightstand was The Bookshop of Yesterdays by Amy Meyerson. I enjoyed the book and thought it was well written but the above quote stuck in my head and I took a quick picture of it so I would not forget it. You know what that means, right? Blog post worthy.
I remember that time when your mom stops being a parent and becomes a person…Amy Meyerson
Do you remember? I may not remember the exact moment but I do remember the feeling. My mom and I always had a really great relationship. I think being the youngest has its advantages at times and one of the advantages is that I was home alone with my parents after the older kids went off to college for a few years. I had that one on one time with them when I was old enough to appreciate it.
My parents, especially my mom, became more than a mom. She became a friend and confidante and at times she told me that she sometimes wished I didn’t share as much as I did with her. She didn’t mean that in a bad way – she just meant some of the things I shared with her were hard for her to hear. Teen years filled with angst and all of that, you’ve got the picture.
I guess this quote is especially poignant for me now as my mom is struggling so much with dementia. She is in that in between place. She no longer is able to perform the duties of the “mom” role and her role as a “person” is limited as well. Last week she had a fall that scared us all but fortunately after a thorough check up at the hospital we found out that the only damage was a scrape on her head. She was very lucky, I guess, that that was all that happened to her but gosh – it is probably just a matter of time till another fall occurs.
While my mom has lost a lot of those “mom” qualities she still remains my mom and a person whose life is still full of worth. She struggles with the question of why she is still here. As she approaches her 90th birthday next month all I can tell her is that she is still needed. I will always need my mom. While she has moved from mom to person with dementia she will always be mom to me.
So many people have the same experiences as me and it helps to share them with one another. Please feel free to leave me a comment if you have thoughts to share. Each comment made on the blog this month means a 50 cent donation to our Comments for a Cause – Warm Clothing for Kids.
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Your post today really touched me, Beth Anne. I was also the youngest (my 2 sisters were teens when I was born), my dad died when I was an infant, so my mom and I were VERY close. Although she didn’t have dementia, her physical health failed her during her last two years or so here. She kept asking me why she was still here, and I told her it was because I needed her. Hugs….I know how difficult it is.
I know you had a really special relationship with your mom. You have shared a bit with me about her and it sounds like she was just an amazing person even when her physical health was failing. I know how much you miss her. I miss the “mom” my mom used to be but I love the fact that I still have her with me and that we still have some moments when she is aware of who I am and what our relationship is. And always –always—when I leave she hugs me and I feel in that moment she still knows me.
I always like to hear about your Mom.
Thanks so much. It always helps me to write it out and sometimes it helps me more than I think it will.
I had never really thought about it but there has been a shift in my own life too. I’d say it’s a reward of raising your children well.
I agree. I do think that it is a healthy thing when you realize that your children are adults and you have raised them well.
Such great insight here, as always Beth Ann. As a new mom, this is so important for me to read, I have to remember the relationship between mom/child is ever changing as time progresses. It truly is a marathon, a very special one. Makes me think about my own relationship with my mom as well, and how it has changed a lot as we both get older. thanks for sharing this!
Unfortunately I lost my Mama at age 39 so I don’t remember seeing her as a person until she was gone. She was only my sweet loving Mama to me.
That’s a very interesting quote and definitely something to think about.
I have recently said a similar thing to my Ashley. We are super close and I love it. But I feel bad for her at times because she struggles with her friendships and I feel like sometimes you want to talk to friends about stuff that even as close as we are you don’t want to share with mom.
You have been blessed with a wonderful mom and so have I. Spending these last few days with her has been so wonderful. Xo
I have loved seeing the pics of your mom the past week!!!
Aww, very sweet, Beth Ann. Glad your mom wasn’t seriously injured in her fall. I was talking to a lady at church, and she told me her mom asked her regularly why she was still here at her age. This lady told her, “Perhaps Jesus isn’t ready for you yet.” And I imagine there’s a lot of truth in that! Perhaps He’s busy preparing her mansion-in-the-sky and won’t call her until it’s finished.
That quote does give one food for thought. I also was the youngest and spent a lot of one-on-one time with my mother. We were very close even after I married and we moved all over the country. Although my mom did not have dementia, it was a very difficult struggle for me to watch her waste away fighting cancer and finally “go home” to Jesus. It absolutely touches my heart that your mom hugs you still. I’d give anything to feel my mom’s arms around me one more time.