So my mom is turning 90 on November 10th. I am winging my way to Ohio to be there for her special day and I must admit that I have had a few anxious moments thinking about seeing her. I have shared so many times before here on It’s Just Life that her dementia is slowly stealing her away from us and each visit I wonder…what will she be like.
Dementia is such a strange disease. Just when you think you have it figured out and know how to react and respond to the latest change in behavior it flips your loved one into another phase and another challenge to deal with. My mom has only had a really hateful and mean phase for a couple of weeks, thank goodness, but for many it can be prolonged. I am very grateful that we have not seen that behavior return because frankly it was very difficult to handle that. I am not sure I reacted or handled that particular phase very well but I do know that many dementia patients exhibit that behavior so I was not surprised.
The past few weeks my mom has declined a little bit according to the director of the memory care unit. So that is why I am a little apprehensive of what we will find when we see her. Of course turning 90 is a huge milestone and one that we wanted to celebrate with all of her friends. But the best thing for her now is a smaller celebration and that is exactly what we are planning. Just family, cake and ice cream and not a lot of commotion because that will probably even be more than she can handle.
When she turned 80 we had a really nice party and celebration for her and I am so glad that we did that. No one had an idea of what lay ahead and I am grateful (there’s that word again) that we were able to celebrate in style. We even had M & M’s with her face on them. So yes- that was a celebration done in style. I have to be content knowing that this smaller scale celebration will be more for the family than for her and be okay with it.
This party will be low key but filled with love. And when it all comes down to it that is all that matters. It is not about the presents or the number of cards and people who are there – it is about love. And I have enough love for my mom to get me through whatever difficult days may be ahead. Love is all I need and the perfect gift to give my sweet mom. Happy Birthday, Mother. I love you.
24 Comments
Leave a commentI am sure your mom will be happy to have her family around her. She will feel the love. Mom turned 90 last year and I was worried about it but it all turned out well and I know she was happy, although a bit overwhelmed. Give Helen a big hug and Happy Birthday from me. xo
Thanks so much, Darlene! I am so excited to see her!
It’s all about the love. Happy Birthday to your sweet mom. So glad your family can be together for it.
You and your Mom (and your family) will be in my thoughts. Although my Mom was in a nursing facility for 3 1/2 years, we didn’t deal with dementia, so I don’t understand that part of what you’re going through. Prayers for you, my friend, for safe travel and that you’ll find your Mom doing as well as to be expected.
Thank you so much! I am so happy to be able to be there on here special day!
90 years is a wonderful milestone! And we’ve learned from you that your Mom filled her years with love and purpose. Lots to celebrate! What kind of cake?
Thanks so much! I think it will be a marble cake and I am sure it will be yummy!
Happy Birthday to your Mom! Hope it is a nice day for all of you!
Thanks so much, Mary Ellen!
Happy Birthday to your momma! And prayers for your trip and for mom!
Thanks, Katy!!!
Oh, Beth Ann, dear friend, I am in tears reading this love-filled post. I hope that your time with your mom, celebrating her 90th and otherwise, is joyful. You are absolutely doing the right thing in keeping party low-key and small. I’m thankful you had that larger 80th party for her.
We did the same for my mom. Celebrated big-time with an open house when she turned 90. And now, like your sweet mama, she is on the decline. We hope to visit her this weekend. Like you, I also wonder how she will be. But you’re right, love prevails.
Thanks so much, Audrey! I am so happy that we can be there even if Mark can’t come. It will be a celebration for sure!
Even if she’s in a grumpy stage it will still be good for all of you to be together. We did cake and ice cream for Aunt Vi’s 102 birthday, she was at the nursing home she hated, and stuck in bed which she hated, but her sweet tooth was still strong, just about the only strong thing left, and she enjoyed the cake. Perhaps you mom’s sweet tooth is still going strong too. I wish, for all of you, that it goes well.
Thanks, Dawn. She loves ice cream and says she hasn’t had it in years even if she just had it the night before so I am sure she will love it!!!
Sending love and hugs to your sweet mama on her 90th birthday!!! 💜
Thanks so much, Kathy. She loved visiting with you so much!
The name of your blog and the title of this post fit like a glove. It’s just life. And isn’t it interesting how connected your Mom is to so many people who have never met her–as is Carlton. If we met in person, I’d call her Mrs. (your maiden name) because well, an online connection to her daughter isn’t enough for first names and hugs. But respect, a gentle handshake, and genuine affection would be enough. And then I’d give your Mom my gift. I would share how wonderful you are and how much of a difference you have made in so many lives. She did good. Very good! Happy Birthday to your Mom. A hug to you.
Katybeth, darn it. That made me cry. Thank you. ❤️
I am sending all the love and best wishes for your Mom’s 90th birthday. She has a loving and good family and I have no doubt she will feel the love even if she can’t express it. Have a safe and good trip, Beth Ann and God bless you all. Happy and Blessed Birthday to your sweet Mom.
Thank you so very much. I know we will have a wonderful time!
I do hope that you will have a nice celebration. It sounds very similar to what we had with grandma. She had a wonderful 80th birthday celebration with family and friends but by the time she turned 90, dementia made that difficult so we kept it very small. It’s sad and hard to deal with and all you can do is take it day by day and hope for the best! Sending hugs!!!
Sending birthday wishes! I hope you have a peaceful celebration.
I hope you had a lovely celebration with you mother. Wishing her and your family many blessings. Sometimes the small, more intimate parties are better anyway. When my dad turned 90, we wanted to have a big party and invite extended family and church friends, but Dad nixed that idea right away. he didn’t have dementia but I just think a big hoopla seemed too overwhelming to him.