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May 28, 2020

Loneliness and Covid-19

17 Comments/ 396/ 1

It’s been a week. Rain, rain and more rain has dominated our luscious landscape. While I love the greenness outside of my front and back doors is has been a bit discouraging to not be able to get outside as much as we would like. I think a lot of folks are experiencing the same thing but even more than that I am finding that this kind of weather is just the kind that makes me realize even more how important it is to check in with others to make sure they are okay.

Loneliness during this Covid-19 breakout is a real thing. Chris and I at least have one another but I keep thinking of those who have no one living with them. Or those who don’t have friends or loved ones who are checking in with them occasionally. It is a very tough time for both the social people and those who prefer the quieter life. Just because someone likes a quiet life does not mean that they can not be lonely and sad during this time.

Things have changed so dramatically. Even in states where things are opening up slowly it does not mean that everyone is comfortable moving forward in the manner that their state is moving. Many of us are still feeling the need to take extra precautions and move a little bit more slowly towards reopening. That is okay. I have adopted the attitude that everyone just has to decide for themselves what makes them comfortable. If I am not comfortable going to businesses that don’t require masks – I should not go there.

What really has hit it home with me is realizing the loneliness that residents in care facilities must be experiencing. I have read several articles and know from my training that residents in these facilities thrive more when there are opportunities for interaction. Stimulation is vital to both physical and mental health and during this time these activities have been curtailed out of necessity to keep residents safe.

My own mom is in a memory care unit and has been confined to her room since the March lock down. While I am grateful for that I am also aware that it is not ideal. We got news this week that she was confused in the bathroom and this ended up in another fall. Fortunately she did not hurt herself badly and the scrape on her head will heal over time. It reinforced in my mind that with the residents having to be confined to their rooms there are more opportunities for things like falls to happen. The staff simply can not be with each resident 24 hours a day. When they were able to have activities there were a lot more opportunities for them to keep eyes on their residents. They were engaged more. Engaged residents mean happier residents.

This has been weighing on me this week a great deal. I know that they are doing all that they can to keep their residents safe and stimulated but I also have been cautioned that the decline mentally and physically during this time has accelerated more due to the isolation. I cannot help but think about how lonely my mom must be. During most of our visits over the past 2 years she has related how no one comes to visit her and that she is lonely. While she did have visitors and just does not remember I know that the loneliness is real.

Right now we are not allowed to send flowers, packages or even mail and that is the way that I had at least felt a little bit connected to her. Her room is situated behind a walled in courtyard so waving from a window is not possible. Phone calls have not worked with her for quite a while and a video call would probably actually cause more confusion than helpfulness at this time. So I trust that she is being cared for, that the long hours are filled with something and that she is able to find happiness in something simple every single day.

Loneliness. It is real. It can happen anytime but during a pandemic where self isolation is key to staying healthy it is even more of an issue. Take care of yourself. Call a friend. Reach out. Tell someone if you need something. Don’t let loneliness get to be too much. If you don’t have someone to talk to about it drop me a note and I will reach out to you. Stay well, my friends, both physically and mentally.

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COVID 19 dementia isolation loneliness
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17 Comments

Leave a comment
  1. susi_snaps
    May 28, 2020 at 09:58 am

    It’s got to be so tough not being able to visit your mom and see for yourself how she’s doing. And for her to be confined like while safe, can’t be easy.
    I’ve been struggling with visiting my mom. She’s all alone and was home for 2 months. She’s back at work now with many precautions. But it’s still scary. She has high blood pressure and isn’t the healthiest person so I didn’t feel good a out going to her house. If she lived closer I’d have done drive-bys but she’s 2 1/2 hours away so it’s not that easy. We usually see each other every month or so. It’s tough for sure.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      May 28, 2020 at 11:17 am

      I didn’t realize your mom was that far away from you. I am sorry–it is so hard to know what is the right thing to do and I think it would just make it harder for my own mom if I was able to wave from a window. She would not understand why I wasn’t coming in if she realized it was me. So for now I have to allow others to stand in the gap and take care of her . I know you are struggling with seeing your mom and I hope you have a peace when you do decide that time is right. Hugs.

      Reply
  2. Kathy Frederick
    May 28, 2020 at 10:01 am

    Welp, I came over to read it and my heart sank. I absolutely feel for you and for her. It’s a hell of a thing not to have any contact. Not even letters. I’m so sorry. It’s heartbreaking. All I can do is pray that COVID gets under control quicker than we think and that visits in some form can resume. I say the facility should set up a calendar of times where residents can go to a private room and sit in front of a camera or something and facilitate Zoom sessions so they can visit remotely with their families. I feel like that should be a thing.

    Sending good vibes,
    Kathy

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      May 28, 2020 at 10:16 am

      Oh shoot— you should have stayed away! Her facility will most definitely do phone calls and video chats but her capability to understand at this point would be challenging so we have opted to not to that. Yet. But I may.

      Reply
  3. Jill Jeffrey
    May 28, 2020 at 10:14 am

    Praying for your mom’s ease and comfort and for you to have God’s peace in the situation. You are coping well and I’m sure this Blog helps. (I know it helps others!) Very glad you have “The Marvelous Maksim” to amuse and distract you!

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      May 28, 2020 at 11:15 am

      Thank you so much, Jill. When I write these posts it is never to garner attention or pity but to share from my point of view and hopefully help others while I write it out for myself. You get that, as a writer, that it helps. And yes–Maksim is a godsend during these times. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  4. dawnkinster
    May 28, 2020 at 10:32 am

    I’ve thought of you, and another friend of mine whose mom is in a memory care facility a lot during this. Your mom will have progressed, as anyone does, during this time and to not be able to even see her through a window is heartbreaking. And no mail? No calls, nothing…I’m sure she is either confused or oblivious, depending on the day. But you, you are always worried and heartbroken. I hope you can visit her soon, though I wonder if the mask will upset her? It’s such a difficult place you and others are in. I am sending you virtual hugs…her too.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      May 28, 2020 at 11:14 am

      Thanks, Dawn. It is a story that many people share right along with me and I try to be positive and I KNOW she is in a good place where they really do care about their residents but still….the human part of me misses her so much. I am just grateful for those healthcare hero’s who are standing in the gap.

      Reply
  5. dfolstad58
    May 28, 2020 at 10:33 am

    My father is over 80 and lives alone. These last few months he has been very isolated. We talk daily but live 6 hours away. Yesterday as my province is phasing ahead, he felt safe to travel and is now visiting for a few days. We played cards and went for a walk yesterday. Looking at someone in a video call and being together are different and I know what he and I prefer. – David

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      May 28, 2020 at 11:13 am

      Oh goodness—you understand a lot of what I am experiencing. I am so glad he was able to come visit for a few days. What a blessing that is for both of you. Enjoy him and your time together!

      Reply
  6. Darlene
    May 28, 2020 at 11:13 am

    This is especially difficult for those of us with family members in a care home. I am so worried Mom will think we have abandoned her. They are trying to arrange outside visits at mom’s care home but they aren’t working out well. The 2 metre, (6 foot) distancing is a problem as many have hearing and sight issues. Also people visiting have to wear a mask which causes the elderly not to recognize them and even scares them. I keep saying, as long as they are safe. But it is still a worry. Sending hugs. xo

    Reply
  7. Mama's Empty Nest
    May 28, 2020 at 12:25 pm

    My heart goes out to you in your concern for your mother. Even though I don’t have any relatives or friends in care facilities, I’ve been thinking along the same lines as you. And also concerned for those who live alone. Of course, I personally didn’t have a moment to be lonely with our granddaughter staying with us this entire time, but I had great concern for our daughter being alone for the weeks she was recovering from covid-19. Even though we texted and talked by phone every day, no one could visit her in person and that was a rough time for her. She was blessed though with many thoughtful and caring folks who sent her messages, cards (including you and she was so grateful for your thoughtfulness!), and even care packages. It made a huge difference. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      May 31, 2020 at 04:23 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I totally understand your concern for your own daughter during this time. It is just tough for so many.

      Reply
  8. Val - Corn, Beans, Pigs & Kids
    May 28, 2020 at 04:15 pm

    Thinking of all of these things too! I hope soon you can contact your Mom through cards, flowers, etc. and soon in person. I can see the decrease in engagement even wear on my mother-in-law who is at home and we luckily have been able to get some of her regular appointments moved to in home, but feeling stuck at home can feel very isolating. Prayers and best wishes coming your and your mom’s way, along with everyone feeling lonely at this time.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      May 31, 2020 at 04:22 pm

      It is definitely a time of real concern for a lot of folks who are isolated and I am sure that encompasses a lot of people. Thanks for the prayers!

      Reply
  9. Shirley Matthews Dunn
    May 28, 2020 at 06:30 pm

    This time surely brings loneliness for so many. We all need human contact. We are need to pray and do what we can for those alone. Beth Ann, I know it has been hard on you and your Mom. I pray you both can be together before much longer.

    Reply
    1. Beth Ann Chiles
      May 31, 2020 at 04:21 pm

      Prayer is key, isn’t it, Shirley. Thank you for your prayers.

      Reply

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