We’ve all been there at one time or another.
Whether we are a child or an adult those words have most likely come out of our mouth “That’s not fair!”.
I remember pairing those words with my other favorite words as a youth “I am only human” as I lashed out at my mom when she corrected me on something that I needed to be corrected on.
But those words about the fairness of life, of a situation, of some treatment have stuck with me all of my life.
And no – life is definitely not fair.
As I have discovered the older I get the more unfair situations I become aware of.
I have friends who are truly suffering and through no fault of their own. Friends who just are not living the life that they dreamed that they would live. It makes me sad and as always I wish I could “fix” things but I can’t.
I can not fix their situations any more than I can take away my mother’s dementia or my brother in law’s Alzheimer’s.
It’s just life.
But that does not take away the pain, sadness and frustration, does it?
I have searched many times for words that can comfort and give hope in what seem to be hopeless situations. I have verses underlined and highlighted in Bibles, quotes scribbled down in journals and notebooks and pages in books turned down.
But when it comes down to it it is just so very difficult to offer comfort to someone who is experiencing the unfairness of life.
Platitudes and words that attempt to soothe just don’t always cut it.
I find myself often saying “I just don’t have the words to tell you how sorry I am” or “There are no words”. And I don’t . I just don’t have words to convey my feelings at times when life has treated friends and loved ones unfairly.
I have a faith.
It is that faith that sustains me during those times when I myself feel that things are unfair. I can not accurately describe how that faith sustains me but it does. There is comfort in reading the scriptures and in understanding that even if “I” do not understand what is going on in my life or in the lives of those around me that God still is there. God still cares. About every single detail in my life.
I guess I have learned to take the attitude that there will always be things in this life that I don’t understand. Challenges and situations that just don’t make any sense to me. I like to think that it is just beyond my understanding at this point and that someday I will have complete understanding of the things that really matter.
Until that time I attempt to offer comfort and compassion without platitudes or words that aren’t helpful. But most importantly I try to just be there for that person in whatever way they need me to be there. Sometimes that means just stepping back and allowing them to be alone and sometimes it means sitting next to them and just listening.
If you are hurting today and feel that life is unfair you are probably right. I wish I could make it all go away and make everyone feel loved, cherished, valued and fulfilled in every aspect of their life but I can’t. So until that day when life is no longer unfair I just offer these words.
I love you.
Hopefully that will help someone today. I hope that someone is you.