We’ve all been there at one time or another.
Whether we are a child or an adult those words have most likely come out of our mouth “That’s not fair!”.
I remember pairing those words with my other favorite words as a youth “I am only human” as I lashed out at my mom when she corrected me on something that I needed to be corrected on.
But those words about the fairness of life, of a situation, of some treatment have stuck with me all of my life.
And no – life is definitely not fair.
As I have discovered the older I get the more unfair situations I become aware of.
I have friends who are truly suffering and through no fault of their own. Friends who just are not living the life that they dreamed that they would live. It makes me sad and as always I wish I could “fix” things but I can’t.
I can not fix their situations any more than I can take away my mother’s dementia or my brother in law’s Alzheimer’s.
It’s just life.
But that does not take away the pain, sadness and frustration, does it?
I have searched many times for words that can comfort and give hope in what seem to be hopeless situations. I have verses underlined and highlighted in Bibles, quotes scribbled down in journals and notebooks and pages in books turned down.
But when it comes down to it it is just so very difficult to offer comfort to someone who is experiencing the unfairness of life.
Platitudes and words that attempt to soothe just don’t always cut it.
I find myself often saying “I just don’t have the words to tell you how sorry I am” or “There are no words”. And I don’t . I just don’t have words to convey my feelings at times when life has treated friends and loved ones unfairly.
I have a faith.
It is that faith that sustains me during those times when I myself feel that things are unfair. I can not accurately describe how that faith sustains me but it does. There is comfort in reading the scriptures and in understanding that even if “I” do not understand what is going on in my life or in the lives of those around me that God still is there. God still cares. About every single detail in my life.
I guess I have learned to take the attitude that there will always be things in this life that I don’t understand. Challenges and situations that just don’t make any sense to me. I like to think that it is just beyond my understanding at this point and that someday I will have complete understanding of the things that really matter.
Until that time I attempt to offer comfort and compassion without platitudes or words that aren’t helpful. But most importantly I try to just be there for that person in whatever way they need me to be there. Sometimes that means just stepping back and allowing them to be alone and sometimes it means sitting next to them and just listening.
If you are hurting today and feel that life is unfair you are probably right. I wish I could make it all go away and make everyone feel loved, cherished, valued and fulfilled in every aspect of their life but I can’t. So until that day when life is no longer unfair I just offer these words.
I love you.
Hopefully that will help someone today. I hope that someone is you.
20 Comments
Leave a commentLife isn’t always fair but there is always something good. I try to remember the good things when life doesn’t seem fair. Good things like a loving family and wonderful friends all over the world. And good things like love. Thanks for those special words. I love you too. xo
Thanks so much for your words. I agree that remembering the good things and focusing on those really does help. It is easy to forget all of that when things are happening that are just unfair but it really does help. And love. Love makes it all better. 🙂
I like how you are always thinking about things and how you go deep into a topic! Thanks
Well I don’t know how deep I am….it just seems like everyone I know is going through tough stuff right now. And I am helpless to do anything about it but I can love, right?
You are the best. And you always seem to know just what to say, even if it is “I have no words.” Because sometimes, we just don’t have words.
That is so true. There are things that shake us to our core and we just can’t find the right words because there just are none. I love you is always right. Thanks for stopping by, Susi. You are the best as well!
I love you will always help.
Sometimes those are the only words that help.
Oh, Beth Ann, these words heal, uplift, comfort. Even if you think you don’t have the “right” words, you do. And your gifts of listening and of prayer bring so much to those who are in the midst of something “unfair” in life. I’m with you on faith getting me through the challenges. I could not manage without it. But the support of friends like you has also been important in helping me deal.
Today I pray for your peace as you think of your dear sweet mom so many miles away.
Thank you, Audrey. Without our faith it would be impossible I think to get through some of the things that life throws us. I do believe that my friends who are going through really tough things right now also have that faith and that helps me to know that they will also manage to come out the other side. Thanks for the prayers for my mamma today. I do appreciate those prayers so much.
Incredibly well written. Your compassion and thoughtfulness truly capture that “Life’s Not Fair” syndrome.
Ozzie, Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Your encouragement of my writing and sharing my thoughts and feelings always makes me smile and means more to me than you will ever know. Thank you, my friend.
I’ve thought about this same topic many times. We are taught as children to “play fair” and yet by the time we are teens we realize that the rules of fairness don’t apply to life. My biggest “not fair” was my mother being diagnosed with terminal colon cancer at the age of 50. She died a year later. She never smoked or drank. Her doctor was treating her for depression even though she had had stomach issues for years. If her cancer had been caught in the early stages she might still be here. I had a really hard time with her death because my psyche screamed that everything about her situation was “not fair.” I still mourn her but over the years I came to realize that A. not everyone gets a good christian mom like I did B. even though her time was short we had 33 years together C. I still had so many people in my life who loved me and needed me to go on D. I’ll see her again one day. So, my friend, you are right. There is nothing to be said at such times but holding someone’s and just listening is usually the best thing you can do. Hugs to you and to those who are hurting!
Thanks so much for your thoughtful words, Teresa. That was certainly a tough thing with your mom and yes–it was not fair. I do think God understands when we question and are just downright mad about the unfairness of events or situations at times. I also know that these times are fleeting and that one day we will hopefully understand a bit better. Until that time I hope that I can show grace and charity in times when others need me and offer compassionate and thoughtful words. Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. It means a lot.
meant to say holding someone’s hand and listening
You as always are wicked sweet. Thanks for your kind words!
Great post, great comfort. Thank you!
Sometimes I think we’re just not meant to have the words because just being there is comfort – to listen, to cry with someone, to give a much needed hug, to let them know you’re uplifting them in prayer. And like you, faith enables me to do that. Beautiful post today, Beth Ann.
Sometimes there are no words because action is indicated…and then sometimes no action can really make things better, either.
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