Reposting from 2012 but the message is still applicable today. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
So today I committed a faux pas. A social blunder I tried to make it right, I really did.
I apologized.
Profusely.
Left and right.
Up and down.
Sideways and whatever is the opposite of sideways.
Funny thing is the other person did not accept my apology. He grunted. Which made me mad. If I had the decency to try to make it right and apologize three times for my transgression I expected some civility in response. But no. This individual definitely had taken his grumpy pills today and my only response was a glare, a grunt and then a head down in the paper. So I did the mature thing and told him I hoped his day was better now that I was leaving. Not so mature.
It got me to thinking about apologies and forgiveness which maybe was what the whole incident was supposed to do in the first place. After all I need more fodder for my blog. So even though this whole exchange has literally bugged me all day I am thinking that there is a reason it bugged me. Maybe I should examine my own life and see if there are areas that I have not accepted an apology.
Nope. That didn’t take long. I am the Queen of Giving Someone the Benefit of the Doubt.
The Queen of Second Chances.
Queen of Believing the Best in Everyone.
I forgive mostly everything and everybody. Yes, I still have a few unresolved feelings about a business partner who hurt us and the renters who stole from us but those are the two things that come to mind that I need to work on more of the forgiveness thing. But all in all I forgive and my life has not really required a lot of that.
So I am wondering—-do others find it difficult to accept an apology???? Is it the gravity of the situation that determines if that apology is accepted or not? Are there levels of forgiveness for you? What would be THE one unforgivable thing???? I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Leave me a comment and let me know. Poll your friends. The more the merrier. Just let me know. Is it harder to forgive than to ask for forgiveness?
Tell me what you think. In the words of Frasier Crane….”I’m listening”.
26 Comments
Leave a commentIt is hard for me to imagine that you could commit an unforgivable act. I am fiercely protective of my family and my pets so it would be very hard for me to forgive anyone who intentionally hurt them. But you aren’t writing about an act of intention it seems you are writing about a mistake. And in that case, no I can’t ever see myself not accepting an apology even a flippant SORRY (if they action kept happening I would accept the apology and leave the relationship) Life is too short to walk around begrudgingly….”It’s just Life,” and we have a choice about how we want to spend it. I choose forgiveness. The person who didn’t accept your apology was a jerk.
Haha. You last sentence made me laugh. I kind of agree with you but there are things that do require a real apology and forgiveness. Even if this was not one to keep fretting about it did make me stop and think more than once about forgiveness. Thanks for stopping by, Katybeth!
Catherine Hoke wrote an insightful book on forgiveness—A Second Chance For You, For Me, And For The Rest Of Us. Seth Godin published it, ”
This is a book about forgiveness, about the generous hustle, and about how you can benefit from bringing a new attitude to the people and work you care about.”
I really hate the “sorry about that” apology. It’s too easy. If the person can’t apologize in complete sentences and be specific about what they’re apologizing for then I don’t feel it’s real. Otherwise, yes I would accept an apology unless the act was deliberate and heinous and I felt the apology was forced rather than being truly felt.
Yes! I agree! The casual “sorry” makes me cringe. But heart felt? Yes, I can accept that one.
So it’s been almost 6 years since that happened. How do you feel about it now? I know you gave me something to think about!
With the time that passed I think the guy was a grumpy pants. 🙂 It honestly wasn’t that bit of a deal but it made me think enough about forgiveness to write the post obviously. And it stuck with me. Much longer than it should have. 🙂
It is hard for me to forgive when it is related to a person who continues to hurt and offend and then apologize and repeat again. At some point I am done with that person. Done. Like Katybeth, I can’t imagine you committing an unforgivable act. When it comes to me, apologizing for something I have done that has offended someone it depends on the person. I really don’t spend a lot of time worrying over whether someone accepts my apology when they have felt I have done something hurtful, offensive, etc. But then I worry a lot about hurting people, saying the wrong thing, doing something wrong. I think after 66 years of worrying about doing, saying the wrong thing I have worn myself down. People I love and respect, it breaks my heart to have hurt them in some way and would do all I could to make it right but I believe that sometimes it is just over and time to walk away, Beth Ann, this is a ramble but I have a hard time organizing my thoughts… 🙂 The one unforgivable thing? That’s big Beth Ann… have to think on that and it is time for breakfast. I think there are lots of unforgivable things.
Thanks for your words and thoughts. I always enjoy reading what is on your mind and what you think about something. All rambling accepted!
I’m very much a forgive and mostly forget person but sometimes things stick with me and continue to fester. There are some people who have a very long memory and will drudge up stuff that happened so long ago and still hold a grudge about it. I don’t do that and feel it’s a waste of energy. There are a few instances where I decided something bothered me so much and forgiveness was best given at a distance and people have been cut out of my life which in turn made my life less stressful and drama filled.
I think that is a really healthy attitude! Forgive and forget is a great motto and one that I need to embrace. Honestly people don’t do that many things that I think they need to be forgiven for but when they do I hope that I graciously can move on.
Forgiving family for hurtful words and actions is my challenge, especially when the hurtful behavior continues. One family member in particular claims she will say whatever she wants and doesn’t care whether it is hurtful or not. That’s difficult for me to stomach. There are ways to address issues and broach topics with kindness and love. I’m not going to change her. So my best option is to distance myself from individuals who continue to hurt me.
“There are things that do require a real apology and forgiveness.” That comment of yours pretty much sums up how we should all approach this issue.
Yep—especially hurtful when it comes from family, isn’ t it? I think we all have to do a little give an take and honestly–are there many things that can’t be talked through? We all have differences of opinions and that is what makes our world so wonderful. We aren’t cookie cutter versions of each other. But on the other hand differing opinions if not presented with kindness can cause division and strife. There is no perfect answer I am afraid.
Forgiveness is such a tough emotional issue. I am of the nature to quickly forgive and not to take things personally. But that’s just me. I know others who can’t let go and even become very bitter. That is unfortunate. Sometimes people have to be able to forgive people who are unable to bring forgiveness to a situation, an incident or an event. Letting go can provide the calmness and inner peace that we all need in our lives.
Ozzie, I can always count on you for an insightful and thoughtful response. I wish I was more of the “not take things personally ” kind of gal. I am much better than I was so maybe there is hope for me yet!
I love that you always look for the best and are so good at giving grace and mercy! It is hard when an apology is rebuffed and it hurts! But the other part of that is that you did your part and that is what counts. The opposite is also true – when you are not apologized to and have to get to a place where that is ok. I can’t imagine you doing anything that would cause someone to not respond well. That poor grumpy pants man must be pretty miserable. Love you!
He was Mr. Grumpy Pants! I think I did what I needed to but it was a lesson in many things for me. And it is a great thing to revisit and see where I am at on the whole forgiveness thing. Thanks for stopping by while you are anxiously waiting…….love you!
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So, I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
– Don Henley
🙂
I have to think about this a bit—and maybe go look it up! 🙂
The song is called Forgiveness. It’s actually about someone who’s lost his love…. 🙂 But as soon as I read your post that song popped into my head. I always loved his songs.
Oops! It’s called “Heart of the Matter”, not Forgiveness! The Eagles were always, have always, will always be my all time favorite band.
I do love the Eagles.
Great song and message in it! Thanks for sharing.
🙂
When it comes to forgiving and forgetting I would say there is only one thing so far in my life that has stuck with me. And I guess I have kind of forgiven, I’ve at least moved on, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forget.
I would say that is pretty good if there is only one thing! Moving on is sometimes difficult if it is a big thing, isn’t it? But it does seem to be necessary at times in order to get past it and be able to continue. Thanks for stopping by, Val!