I happened upon an article in the New York Times a while back during my leisurely stroll through the internet. The article written by Patricia Cohen entitled Get a Midlife, made me stop and think about how “I” view midlife now that I am in the throes of it. How did I get here? Why it seems like just yesterday I was taking kids to football and basketball practice, swimming lessons and music lessons. But in reality that was a while ago. I think my memory is being affected.
The article suggests that with middle age we emphasize the losses that come with middle age rather than the positive gains that might occur. You know–the disappearing waistline, decreased energy, saggy skin, achey joints, the list goes on and on and on. Some of the new research is focusing on the other end of the spectrum. It fits well with my glass half full mentality that I live by. I would prefer to look at this subject this way.
To identify the things that contribute to feeling fulfilled and purposeful, Carol Ryff, the director of the Institute on Aging at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, developed a list of questions to measure well-being and divided them into six broad categories: personal growth (having new experiences that challenge how you think about yourself); autonomy (having confidence in your opinions even if they are contrary to the general consensus); supportive social relationships; self-regard (liking most aspects of your personality); control of your life and a sense of purpose.
So what did they find??? What I have found to be true in my own life. That those who are in the middle part of their life are truly more happy and content with life. Maybe it is because we have “figured it out” a bit more than we had when we were younger. Maybe the worries and stresses are less prevalent. Perhaps it is because we have more developed social networks and support systems that allow us to handle things a bit better when life gets thrown at us.
The areas that were highlighted in this article as being better at 50 included sex (blush blush), judgment, creative abilities and the fact that there is actually more time to live out their dreams and aspirations than previous generations had.
So I have been thinking since reading this article—am I happy with being 50+? A resounding YES! Though I can no longer practice my ninja skills due to creaky knees, can most likely not fit into that wedding dress I rediscovered last week when preparing for the move that I wore almost 33 years ago or will be able to keep up with most 20 year olds in a walking/running exercise I am happy and content. I have more maturity (ha!) and wisdom that is gained from life experiences. I have a close relationship with our sons that is far different than it was when I was younger. I have been allowed to explore the creative side of me and enjoy that to the fullest. So yes—I am happy and content with middle age. I do not want to go back. Well….maybe I would like to go back to being able to eat anything I wanted with no consequences but hey—I can get that part under control with a little bit of that middle age wisdom and self control, right?
The author of the article, Patricia Cohen concludes by writing:
So, 50 is 50. Be thankful for it.
What about you? Are you happy with the age that you are or do you long for another age, another stage? Do you think 50 is scary or something to look forward to and embrace?
Please comment and remember that Comments for a Cause this month go to Highland Youth Garden.
29 Comments
Leave a commentAs the decades pass the definition of middle age elevates so we can fool ourselves we are still middle aged. At 66 a lot of this and that’s elicit a reality check. But you gotta be there to have grandchildren so trade off is worth it.
I can’t quite fathom that I’m middle (or just past) aged now. How did that happen? In my mind I’m mid 30’s. At most. For sure.
I consider it a privilege to grow older … not a right.
As one who is nearer 60 than 50, I wonder where the years went. I do wish I could turn back time a bit, or skip ahead a bit. I am awaiting the next phase of grandchildren now.
I hear you! And does that mean there is news in the grandchildren area or just “thinking” about it??? 🙂
Thank you for sharing all of your wisdom with us!
I still don’t feel like your old enough to be in your 50’s. It’s because you’re young at heart.
I was thinking, why is it called middle age when you reach your fifties? Do the math.. The average life span of a human being is between 72-76 years of age, give or take a year or two here or there. Therefore, middle age should be considered to be somewhere in the vicinity of 36-38(+/-) years of age.. Now, how do you feel if you are in your mid-thirties? (Ha ha, we older folks just love raining on other people’s parades. heh, heh, heh.) And now, you know why, back in the sixties the kids were saying never trust anyone over 30! As for the rest of us, age is just rhetoric and semantics. So enjoy whatever time He gives you, for not one more second is guaranteed.
I think I’m “on the fence”…. certainly am more confident and less intimidated now that I used to be, but a large part of that is due to my hubby. I’m with you that I hate that everything I eat now seems to be added directly to my waistline….
And you’re also correct that relationships with our children seem to be easier at this age.
Great post!
I turn 45 in a few months. I have to wonder where the years went. It’s true what our elders say that time seems to go faster the older we get. I wouldn’t mind turning back the clock a bit but with the knowledge I have now.
Oh yes–that would be the perfect thing to be able to be a bit younger but with all the knowledge and experience of being older. Great idea!
If only! 😉
I recently turned 41 and I have to say, each year gets better and better. My partner and I were just talking the other day that we would never want to go back to earlier days. I say live in the now and enjoy each day, but also cherish all the memories and keep making more.
41? Say it isn’t so! I love your attitude about age. It is exactly what I think as well.
I don’t like defining people by their age. I stopped sharing my age when I turned 21 ( a family tradition) and honestly would have to do the math to figure out my parents age. I have no idea how old most my friends are unless they tell me. I was mostly happy when I was younger, and I am mostly happy now. I never wanted to do the splits or run a marathon but I suspect that if I wanted it badly enough I could. I can’t go back to the younger days with my kid and those memories sting from time to time but I really enjoy who he is not and my relationship. A few more worries creep in from time to time but I had those when I was younger to. Middle Age for me just is. Thoughtful article and conversation, tho.
I am a horrible judge of age anyway. I can never guess so it is better for me to just not worry about age as well. I know that I don’t feel quite as spry as I once did but I also know that is just the way life is. I love the relationships I have with my younger friends and will work to find more of those after the move but I also love my relationships with older folks. I think it is good to surround yourself with a variety of types of friends and that includes various ages.
I always think everyone is “about my age” no matter how old they are. We are all adults, after all. What I like best about being 50+ is enjoying adult children and spending time with my parents.
I am such a horrible judge of age which is probably not a bad thing. I agree–spending time with adult children and my mom is the best thing ever. Thanks fro stopping by!
I think we just realize what’s truly important in life the older we get. Having passed the big 5-0 over a decade ago, I don’t know if I’m still considered ‘middle aged’ especially since I’ve been getting those senior citizen discounts for quite some time. Inside my head, I sure don’t feel like I’m the age that I am until my body shows me that indeed I am 61! 😉 Anyway, all of this to say it’s all perspective, isn’t it?
I think you are right—it is all a matter of perspective. I also like to surround myself with younger friends and that helps as well to keep my mind young. Love your take on things! Thanks for stopping by!
I am 85 and have some health problems but I have lots of old friends and new friends in Copeland Oaks. I am happy to still be able to enjoy life.
Life just gets better and better every decade!
Love your attitude!
I’m glad to be through most of the 50s and the changes that come with them.
The 50’s have been pretty good to me but it has definitely been a time of introspection. 🙂
Sex? What’s that? (reaction after exactly ten years of widowhood). And the comments I hear in real life are definitely not worth a donation to any cause…whether it’s “You don’t look fifty, you still look good” or “Oh…er…aren’t you [my mother’s name]?” (from people who’ve not spent time with my mother since she was fifty). Nevertheless, I enjoy middle age when I consider the alternatives. Not only does it beat being dead or extremely old; it beats the daylights out of being extremely young.
“Giggle” Now that comment was definitely worth more than a buck! I agree. Middle age has its ups and downs but I would not want to be in my 20’s anymore that is for sure.
No question, I wish I was 30 again! I may have been immature at that age, but I was physically indestructable! Now, not so much…
30 was a few years ago but yes—my body is certainly telling me that I am middle aged. Ugh.