When peace like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to know
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Horatio Spafford “It is Well with My Soul”
Today, of all days, I am remembering the words to one of my favorite hymns and taking them to heart. I have been sitting here looking at this blank blog post for longer than I care to admit.
Today would have been my mom’s 92nd birthday. It is her first heavenly birthday. The first birthday has to be the hardest, right?
I just told someone that I had dreaded fall this year. Just wasn’t into it.
Because.
But God, in all of his infinite wisdom, has gifted me with the most spectacular colors and sights this fall and I am taking that as His sign that all is well and that all needs to be well with me.
I know I have shared a lot here about my mom, about the dementia, about the grief and all that I am experiencing but honestly – I don’t care if no one reads this at all. It is for me and that is okay.
The sadness comes in waves. Anyone who has experienced any kind of loss understands that. It is unpredictable and unexpected at times.
So when I go through my pictures and find ones that show just how much love we shared over the years it makes me smile and it does make me happy. What a blessing to have all of these memories. What a blessing to know that the dementia is gone and that she no longer is frustrated with her situation in life.
The first birthday without her is going to be tough, without a doubt, but I am focusing on the happiness and the birthdays that we were able to share together. The last one I got to be with her with was her 90th before Covid days and we had a little party. She ate cake and ice cream and enjoyed a few gifts. THAT is the picture I hold in my mind and in my heart today.
Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mother. I miss you.
11 Comments
Leave a commentThank for sharing your grief and feelings. It helps me too. Hugs and love to you as you miss your mom while also rejoicing that she is free at last.
Yes, today will be a difficult one for you. Your memories and your faith will see you through it.
It is good to share and remember the good times. I agree that this fall the colors in nature have been spectacular. It reminds of God’s unending love, power and grace.
Happy Birthday in heaven to your mom! And lots of love and hugs to you.
I’m glad you are able to share your feelings and work through your grief in this way.
I recently read something about feelings and emotions and that they come in waves and will flow like that throughout life and to let it happen. I tend to agree and hope that even if your grief won’t completely go away that it does get easier to bear and that the memories will prevail and make you smile.
I think that is a very good way to describe grief and has been my experience. The first year is tough and I know that Christmas will be truly difficult but I am sure my memories will help. Thank you!
Thinking of you! God Bless!
Happy Heavenly Birthday to your dear mom. These days are hard and I´ll have one coming up too, but our moms are with our dads now and that makes me happy. The other day I had a memory and wanted to asked her about a detail and realized I couldn´t. That´s when it hits me hard. I just love that last picture. Sending hugs your way.
What wonderful photos, and memories too. I won’t tell you to savor the memories, because I know you do, every day. I will confirm that the first birthday, holiday, anniversary, they’re all hard. And they don’t always get better. Some years will be happier than others. You just can’t tell what a day is going to be like until you’re in it. But every single one of your days will be filled with your mom’s love. That I’m certain of.
Even though grief is still so fresh, isn’t it wonderful to have those beautiful memories and photos of your precious mother? After my mom passed and then 10 years later, Dad joined her, I made a promise to myself that I would choose to always remember them on the days they were born, not on the day they passed. I think it helps me alot.
Many hugs and much love to you on this difficult day. May peace wash over you as you remember all those moments with your dear mama. You WILL see her again, in your heavenly home.
Happy Birthday in Heaven dear lady. May your family know you are completely whole & happy. Your memories and faith will help every time. We will have those moments for the rest of our lives because we rruly loved our Mothers with all have heart. .