When peace like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to know
It is well, it is well, with my soul.Horatio Spafford “It is Well with My Soul”
Today, of all days, I am remembering the words to one of my favorite hymns and taking them to heart. I have been sitting here looking at this blank blog post for longer than I care to admit.
Today would have been my mom’s 92nd birthday. It is her first heavenly birthday. The first birthday has to be the hardest, right?
I just told someone that I had dreaded fall this year. Just wasn’t into it.
But God, in all of his infinite wisdom, has gifted me with the most spectacular colors and sights this fall and I am taking that as His sign that all is well and that all needs to be well with me.
I know I have shared a lot here about my mom, about the dementia, about the grief and all that I am experiencing but honestly – I don’t care if no one reads this at all. It is for me and that is okay.
The sadness comes in waves. Anyone who has experienced any kind of loss understands that. It is unpredictable and unexpected at times.
So when I go through my pictures and find ones that show just how much love we shared over the years it makes me smile and it does make me happy. What a blessing to have all of these memories. What a blessing to know that the dementia is gone and that she no longer is frustrated with her situation in life.
The first birthday without her is going to be tough, without a doubt, but I am focusing on the happiness and the birthdays that we were able to share together. The last one I got to be with her with was her 90th before Covid days and we had a little party. She ate cake and ice cream and enjoyed a few gifts. THAT is the picture I hold in my mind and in my heart today.
Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mother. I miss you.